Obsessed • a/p

Epilogue *

"Hey my angel.." - Alex quietly says as he sits down next to Perrie's grave. "I brought you your favourite flowers.."

He puts down the bouquet of lilacs next to the old ones and sits down on the ground. He looks up at the sky and takes a deep breath to contain himself from crying. He's trying his best not to start bawling his eyes out.

"It's been a while since I came to visit you.. I'm really sorry.." - he says. "I'm sorry for everything, my love.."

He is sorry.. He's sorry for reacting like that that day.. He's sorry for calling the police, he's sorry for screaming at her like that..

But he didn't know better. It felt like a strike of a lightning from a clear sky. It literally hit him so hard and he couldn't think straight. He didn't know what would be the best. He thought that making sure she's locked up would help the situation. But it didn't. The police officers didn't even get to arrest her.. She took her own life in front of everyone.

She died in front of Alex's eyes. After that, he couldn't fall asleep for days. Every time he closed his eyes, he'd see her face, he'd see her eyes full with tears. Once he managed to fall asleep, he'd dream of her. As if she didn't want to leave him alone, as if she didn't want him to forget her. As if it was even possible. He still thinks about her every day and every night before he falls asleep.

He couldn't forgive himself for what he did.. He feels responsible for her death. He feels like he's the one who killed her.

And he kind of did.. He took away the only thing that kept her going.. He took away the only thing that gave her strength and courage to live.. He took away his love.. She never wanted anything more than that.. She wanted his love.. That was the only thing she needed. Without his love, she felt like she was suffocating, it felt like someone had wrapped their hands around her neck and was trying to strangle her. It was slowly killing her. She shot herself because she knew she wouldn't be able to handle living without him, because she didn't want to feel any more pain. By pulling the trigger she just took away all the pain. 

If he could only change the past now.. If he could only think with a cool head, if he could only wait until the shock left his system and talk calmly to her after that. She wouldn't have hurt him, she'd never do that. She'd rather hurt herself to protect him, just like she was doing that for months now. Things would have been so different now. If he only waited..

Maybe they would have been living the future they wanted, the future they talked about, the future they were both hoping for. He's not even mad at her for killing his father. Once he found out the real truth, he understands her.. not completely but to some level.. She did it to protect him, she died to save his life.. 

"You know.. it's been five years.." - he says. "Everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay.. but I don't know how to tell them that I'll never be okay.. I miss you more and more every day.. Knowing that I could have reacted differently and saved you from that gun.. The fact that I had your life in my hands and I let it go.. It's killing me more than you can imagine.." 

A tear rolls down his face as he lowers his head on the stone, gently caressing it as he imagines her soft face instead. When he used to do this, he'd hear her heartbeat, he'd feel the warmth of her body. But now, it's just a cold, hard stone.. 

"I miss your face, love.. I miss your eyes, I miss your lips , I miss your soft hair and your beautiful voice.. I miss our deep conversations, and our arguments, I miss our cuddles, I miss our kisses.. I miss everything about you.."  

He wishes he was able to hug her one last time, he wishes he kissed her before he let her go.. But his body was numb. He couldn't move or speak, he couldn't say a word as he was watching her go from a woman to a dead body.