The Hurt And The Healing: Bucky X OC

Chapter Thirty Seven: Big Plans And Blank Checks

For the second time in as many days Mara woke up before Bucky. And for the second time in as many days she took a minute to watch him as he slept. Not in some fascinated, voyeuristic way. More-so because it was the only time she ever saw him truly relax. When he was awake he was always scowling, or frowning, or smiling despite his scowling and frowning. But when he was asleep his expression was neutral and his fists weren't clenched and his shoulders were free of tension. When he was asleep she could forget all of the horrible things he had been forced to see and do, and just see him.

She shook herself from her trance and slipped out of bed, careful to not wake him. Their hands had untwined in the night, but he was still reaching out to her in his sleep. She wanted nothing more than to get back into bed, where it was safe and warm and quiet. To take his hand once more and hold on tight until the world stopped spinning into chaos and they could just be. But there was too much to be done and so she forced herself onto her feet and away from him, each step radiating pain up her legs.

Mara went back to her room and closed the door behind her quietly, taking a few deep breaths. She was pushing him too far too fast. Of course her love language had to be the thing that traumatized him the most. Every time she took his hand or leaned against him she felt him tense up before he relaxed into her. The motions felt natural to her, but to him they probably felt like torture. She'd have to get better about that for his sake. Figure out how she could show that she cared without hurting him further. It was the damned doctor in her, she saw the remnant of who he had been, the phantom limbs and the faded smiles, and she just wanted to make him whole again. But with each touch she saw the pain flicker in his eyes and felt both their hearts crack a little more.

Boundaries. She needed to give him boundaries. He wouldn't set them himself, probably too afraid that he'd drive her away by being "selfish" and taking care of himself. So she'd set them for herself. No more fidgeting with his hand. The scientist in her would have to sit and suffer. No more taking his arm and leaning on him, even when she was tired. No more pushing back his hair when it clung to his forehead. No more touching his face, even when he had those sad puppy dog eyes that gutted her.

Sleeping in separate beds was going to be harder to let go of. She liked sharing the bed with him, liked knowing that he was nearby and he was okay and if anything went wrong she would know and be able to help. And she liked it for selfish reasons too. Liked the sound of his breath slowing as he drifted off, the weight of him beside her, the knowledge that she could reach out to him for any reason and he'd be there. If she gave up everything else, could she maybe keep that one thing?

When she went downstairs Sam was already awake and drinking coffee. Maps and papers were spread out across the dining room table, and she could see something that vaguely resembled a system in how he organized them. Sam looked up and smiled as Mara entered the room.

"Mornin'," he drawled. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine," Mara answered nonchalantly, writing his tone of voice off as some Southern charm and not a reference to her perfectly made bed. She grabbed a mug and poured herself some coffee before walking over to him. "Whatcha working on?"

"Figuring out where in the hell that document came from," Sam answered in a far less cheerful tone.

"And that's going..." her voice trailed off, unsure of how to guess.

"Better thanks to you and Bucky getting that document from the Valeria system directly. We know it's within the city limits. But there's a problem."

"When isn't there," Mara muttered.

"Here, look at this," he snatched a topographical map of Haasenstadt and spread it out on the table. Mara stood next to him and looked at it. The colors were bright, almost neon, and ranged from red to icy blue. "This map is showing us the energy consumption around the city. Do you see this red section here?" he pointed to a large blotch on the outskirts of the city. "This area is pulling in almost half of the city's power. But when you look at this map," he placed a satellite imaging of the city on top of it, "this is where the energy is supposed to be coming from."