The Hurt And The Healing: Bucky X OC

Chapter Seventy Six: Giving and Receiving

Bucky's heart hadn't pounded like this since he first told Mara he loved her. Sure, since then he'd been anxious. Stressed. Maybe a little paranoid. But never so much so his hand shook and his breathing was shallow.

He adjusted his grip on the bouquet of flowers, careful to not crush the stems, and looked up at their illuminated window. There was movement up there, no doubt Mara making dinner for them. She had promised that it was no problem for her to cook tonight, and he had accepted her far too generous offer. If that wasn't a metaphor for their entire dynamic, he wasn't sure what was: her offering him something better than he deserved, him trying to politely reject it for her own good, and her then informing him she was going to give it anyway. And every single time he was too in love to fight it.

She had given him everything. Her forgiveness had been the first and perhaps the most amazing thing because it allowed him to start to forgive himself. Then she gave him a good night's sleep. Then she gave him hope that he could be happy. Then she gave him back his body and his mind and his memories. And then she told him she loved him. As if his life couldn't get any more unbelievable, this beautiful, smart, kind, grenade-missing-its-pin of a woman told him she loved him. Then she gave him a home and a life where he was more than a shell of the man he had been and every day she gave him more and more love until he was overflowing with it and it nearly ran down his cheeks. She had given him everything. And he planned to spend the rest of his life giving her just as much.

So here he was, standing outside of their building, flowers in his hand and heart in his throat, ready to spend the night with her celebrating the fact they had beaten the odds and actually made it to five months.

He climbed the stairs slowly, trying to get a grip on himself and his heart before the sight of her stopped it. But as he neared their front door- their front door- he accepted that there was no way he'd be able to calm down. The day had both flown and crawled by. Every minute had felt like an hour and every hour had felt like a minute. He had forced himself to go out and do something other than sit around and watch her. He could have spent hours staring at her as she cooked and cleaned and did paperwork and played with their cat, but tonight was going to be special. He was going to make it special. And so, he went out and got flowers and a bottle of wine and a haircut, all while thinking about her in their home.

He took out his key and held it up to the lock, staring at it in anticipation of pushing it in. Tonight was going to be special if only because tonight he got to see her. But he wanted it to be more than that. Wanted tonight to be more than their five-month anniversary. What exactly he wanted to give her he wasn't entirely sure, and what she was ready to accept from him he knew even less. If all she wanted to do tonight was eat, drink, and reminisce, then he'd go to bed a happy man. But if by some miracle he could work up the nerve to offer- No, best not to think about that. Best to be in the moment and let the future unfold itself. Tonight, it was the two of them. And that was more than enough.

He squared his shoulders and turned the key in the lock.

The first thing he saw was the dimmed lights. The apartment was still bright enough that she could see clearly, but the bright overhead light was turned off in favor of smaller ones and candles. Next thing he noticed was the music. Some old crooner she had decided to like because he liked it. After that was the smell of dinner in the air. She must have borrowed Nonna's recipe.

And if that hadn't been enough to make him salivate, the next thing he saw was her.

She had dressed up for the first time since Valeria. But she somehow looked even more beautiful than she had that night because this time it was all her. Her hair was swept back from her face, and in the glow of the candlelight he could see she had even put on makeup. She was wearing a flowy dress that hit just above her mid-thigh and he damn near dropped the flowers at the sight of those thin little straps holding it all up. She must have heard him inhale sharply because she turned to face him and grinned.