This was a a03 request.
Before joining the 'E, Dean Ambrose had never really been known as someone who was into how he looked or even how he dressed and presented himself, but when he signed with the promotion classed as the top promotion in the states, if not one of the top in the world, it had all changed and it was beginning to affect his already 'delicate' mindset, his work and more important to him then anything and everything else, his life outside of wrestling and he didn't know how much more not only physically, but mentally he could take before something pushed him too far.
As both Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns walked into The Shields lockerroom at another Raw TV day, they both froze in shock at the image in front of them, "hey man. You're here early, has hell frozen over?" Roman joked to the man who was currently staring at his reflection in the huge mirror in their lockerroom in total silence, frozen like a statue "AMBROSE!!! YO!" Roman yelled after not getting a response, an action which quickly brought the lunatic back into the real world "and he is back to the world of the living" The Big Dog laughed as he walked past the lunatic to put his bag down. As Seth watched the man however, he could see something in his brother and best friends eye he hadn't seen before, "you okay man? You look a little out of sorts?", but before he could ask anymore, the lunatic fringe stormed out the room and as the men flinched at the door banging, both men looked at each other and noticing the look of concern on Seth's face. Roman sighed "Just give him some space uso. You know what he is like when he gets in his head like this, he'll be fine once he can work through whatever this is or if all else fails, once he can punch someone in the face" "he has been acting weird for weeks...." "Ambrose....Weird? I wouldn't say he is acting any different. He is probably just had a heavy night and he is hungover. Look, we will wait until after the match and then if you still think there is a problem, we will talk to him but honestly Rollins I think you are overthinking things" Roman exclaimed as he looked at the still unsure looking man. Getting changed and ready, Seth knew he was right, but there was still something that wasn't sitting right with him with the way the man was acting, unsure weather or not he should find the lunatic's wife to see if she could give him any insight, Rollins sighed and let it go for the time being to try and focus on their upcoming match.
As Dean walked around the back, lurking in the shadows to avoid people for the best part of two hours, his mind wasn't as focused as it should've been, however hard he had tried he couldn't get out of his head and block out the thoughts he was battling with. Before he had signed, he was in as good of a place for him that he could've been, he had popularity and was even plotting ways of cementing his name in the career that had given him a little peace away from what was his everyday life, but as the WWE came knocking, there was a part of him that wondered if the contract they were offering could be the first step into becoming almost legendary. As the years had progressed from FCW to NXT and then eventually the Main roster, Dean was starting to find the travel and being pulled six different ways tedious and both physically and mentally draining and the fact that recently he had been having thoughts of giving up the profession he had loved all of his life made him come to the realisation that enough was enough. As he walked around some more, he began to mentally draw up the pros and cons in his mind of what would happen if he left, the only two cons the man could come up with was that he would be abandoning his brothers and the other was the affect it would have on his wife. As their match got closer, not only were the higher ups starting to worry, but the other 2/3s of The Shield were too, they were beginning to worry about if indeed the mentality of the Lunatic had cracked for good. Looking at the time on a nearby monitor, Seth muttered under his breath "come on Ambrose", hearing him, Roman replied quietly "he will get here on time Rollins, just...", but before Reigns could finish his sentence, both men let out a sigh of relief when they heard Vince yell "finally Ambrose!!!! You are up in 5" "yeah yeah" he muttered, clicking his neck. As they waited by the curtain, Rollins whispered "Ambrose, you know you can talk to me right? What's going on with you?!?" "I'm fine..I just...I just have a lot on my mind" "Anything we can help with?" Rollins asked Ambrose, to which his reply was a shrug of his shoulders and a simple "It's my career , my decisions I Have to make" but before Rollins could say anything else, The Shield's music began to roar through the speakers. As the match went on, Rollins couldn't get out of his mind the sentence that had come out of his tag partner and best friends mouth before they had come out, surely he wasn't thinking of retirement?!?!, he couldn't retire now, not when he was on top of his game in a sport that was everything to him, he needed to get through to him and get through to him he was going to do. Hearing the refs hand hit the mat for a third time and their music blare out of the speakers, fighting to be heard over the crowds of people, Ambrose, Reigns and Rollins posed victorious but as they did however, Rollins leant over to the lunatics ear and whispered "we need to talk when we get backstage...No Excuses".
After finally getting back to their lockerroom after being stopped half a dozen times and having to do an interview , Dean quickly expressed, trying to get away from talking to his two brothers "Right...shower and back to the hotel me thinks" "Sit your ass down. NOW!!" Seth and Roman said firmly and in perfect sync with each other "I told you this conversation was going to happen, so get used to it" Rollins then added, "I don't want to have this conversation sober" the lunatic whinged like a toddler having a temper tantrum "you are going to have too, quicker you talk, quicker you can get drunk" Roman bluntly stated. Sitting down on the bench, knowing that whatever he tried was going to end the same way, Dean fumed "get going then", "you need to tell us what is going on with you. You have been more in your head then normal , your attitude is different and don't get me started on you becoming more brooding than normal", "we are concerned about you brother" Reigns added. Looking at a stain on the carpet to avoid making eye contact with his brothers, Roman noticed the change in his demeanour and he had an idea, it was crazy but at the same time this was Ambrose they were concerned about, if crazy didn't work at this point, nothing would, taking his phone out of his pocket, he pretended to look at it and said "I need to see Vince, I'll be back in a minute" he stated quickly, trying to hide his lies as he got up with his phone in hand, "I didn't hear your phone go off" Dean suspiciously replied , not buying what his brother was saying "it was on silent" Roman quickly responded as he walked out. Watching Dean and studying his body language, Seth tried again "we aren't going anywhere which means, unless you start talking, you aren't leaving this room and you aren't getting drunk", knowing his brother meant business and wasn't going to let it go, Dean rubbed his face "I've just got a lot on my mind, nothing you need to be concerned about" Dean remarked "I'm gonna be worried when my brother is acting more unusual then normal so sorry, I am not buying it, so try again man. The quicker you spill, the quicker you can leave". As the thought of getting drunk and having a chance to silence his thoughts for a while got stronger and knowing he wasn't going to get out of the room unless he talked, Dean admitted with his head in his hands, "I just feel like I am losing myself being in this company. I have never been one to worry about how I look and being here just recently I....." "you what brother? It's only you and me here, you can tell me" Seth smiled as he willed his best friend on to continue "god this whole conversation is so stupid, I...just feel ugly", "what? Dude...I..." Seth spluttered, after knowing the man for so long and knowing how uncaring he was over everything to now hear him openly admit something so..un him and personal had left him gobsmacked. After taking a second to pull himself together, Seth said, adding on to what he was saying previously, this time making a lot more sense "Chicks dig you Ambrose, I don't get it" he exclaimed, mentally slapping himself for not thinking about his reply more thoroughly, taking his head out of his hands, Dean wished and prayed he was drunk and that there was a hole he could throw himself into instead of having to sit through the torture that was this conversation, the feeling of being this vulnerable was something he hated since childhood but as he looked at Seth's eyes, willing him to carry on, he knew he couldn't stop now.
After taking a mouthful of water, the lunatic fringe made eye contact with his brother once again and sighed "look at Ziggler , Cena hell even Reigns, they all have 'the look' and have had success after success...then look at me, a rough looking SOB, I just feel like I don't fit in here anymore". Unable to handle his emotions, Dean got up and started pacing to keep himself calm, noticing he was struggling, Seth replied, trying to calm his brother down while trying to make sense of his ramblings "dude, firstly has your time on the indies taught you nothing, Secondly, you are married to one of the hottest women we have on the crew so the fact she has managed to make the 'titty master' settle down, surely that has to tell you that you thinking your ugly is a crock of you know what. Now, when it comes to you not looking like one of the 'hot boys', I just wanted to let you know, I think you're beautiful the way you are. A lot of people look at things like beauty and don't look at someone's personality, personality lasts brother, beauty doesn't". As Ambrose and Rollins looked at each other, Dean suddenly burst out laughing"okay, this has gotten weird, but thanks for the talk man I appreciate it. I just need to work out some stuff and I'll be fine" "no problem and don't worry brother, no one else will know what happened in here, it's between us" "thanks. Now I don't know about you Rollins, but I can hear a bottle of Jack calling my name" Ambrose laughed as he went for a shower, ready to get out of the arena to block out these thoughts if only for a few hours until he could make sense of them in a more peaceful environment .
A/N. I feel a little meh writing this now, especially with Mox going into treatment, but I have tried to make it as true to the time as possible.
