My Little Pony: Issues are Magic

IT'S NIGHTMARE NIGHT BITCHES

It's four am. All is quiet in the castle. Until...

kicks down door

"CALLISTO DELTA GET YOUR ASS UP BITCH!" Relay screamed.

Callisto throws pillow

"RELAY IT'S FUCKING 4 AM AND YOU EXPECT ME TO WAKE UP. I JUST GOT TO SLEEP."

"WE HAVE TO GET TO SPIRIT NIGHTMARE NIGHT TO FIND YOU A COSTUME!" Relay said.

"RELAY ITS FOUR IN THE FUCKING MORNING! SPIRIT ISN'T EVEN OPEN!" Callisto said.

Relay exited as Callisto heard a noise from the floorboards.

A pony popped out.

"You got any firecrackers?" The mysterious pony said.

"No.... who the fuck are you?!" Callisto said.

"Wow rude. I'm Zippo. Like the lighter. Don't bother telling me your name I already know everything about you." Zippo said.

"Didn't the Royal Guard arrest you a few months ago on 12 counts of arson and one suspected child murder?" Callisto asked

"I DIDN'T MURDER THAT CHILD!" Zippo screamed.

"Calm your tits, I know you didn't you just can't scream its 4:30am and I don't wanna wake Celestia up." Callisto said.

"Happy Birthday by the way. I would've gotten you a present, but I'm bound to the castle per Celestia's orders." Zippo said.

Callisto yawned. "So you're allowed to roam the castle like I was?" Callisto asked.

"Yep." Zippo answers.

"Anyway, Princess Callisto Delta I should probably go as it's 4 am and I have former arsonist-ly duties to get to per Celestia's 'arsonist reform program' and you have a long 1536th birthday ahead of you. So goodnight." Zippo said.

"Oh okay. Thank you Zippo." Callisto said as she went back to sleep.

For Callisto's first encounter with Zippo, they were very excited to have another friend other then Relay, and her friends Fritz and Ollie from the bar. Ollie was a Pegasus and Fritz was a Griffin.

October 31st, 2012 10:11 am.

"CALLISTO, SWEETY GET UP WE HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU DOWN HERE" Luna screamed.

Callisto could barely hear her akinned to her being 10 flights of stairs from the hall of stairs.

Zippo began poking Callisto's face to wake her up.

"Relay? Mom? Auntie Tia? Is that you- AHHHHHHH! ZIPPO WHAT THE FUCK!" Callisto screamed.

"Your alarm has been ringing since 9:30." They said.

"Has it?" Callisto said.

"Well can you like exit so I can get dressed?" Callisto asked.

"Yeah." Zippo said as they exited.

Callisto went down the stairs in one of Polaris tshirts that was originally her she stole back.

Relay started fucking BOLTING at Callisto.

"YOU HAVE MAIL! YOU ACTUALLY HAVE MAIL!" He screamed.

Relay accidentally ran into her. He handed her an envelope addressed to an Callisto Eclipse Delta, which was her real full name.
She stood up and read it aloud.

"Dear my only daughter Callisto Delta. I'm sorry for all the pain i've caused you. Happy 1536th Birthday my little star. I miss you a lot and I'm sorry I couldn't be there." The note said.

Just then. The castle grounds keeper and Princess Serpentine's ( Celestia and Luna's sister ) son walked in with what looked like a dead body?

"Happy birthday Callisto." They both said.

Felix (Princess Serpentine's son) dropped the body to give his favorite cousin a hug.

Him and Elliot went back to carrying the body to Elliot's shed. Elliot stayed in the castle, but as the grounds keeper they'd have a shed.

Back in the castle.

Callisto was crying in the middle of the party hall.

"I can't believe he'd fucking do this to me." Callisto tried not to scream.

"On my birthday too. What a fucking asshole." Callisto said with tears in her eyes.

Relay ran up to Callisto to comfort her.

Celestia pulled Luna aside. "It's probably a bad time to tell her we've arranged a marriage for her."

Luna was whisper screaming at this point. "Celestia are you fucking crazy! I told you not to do that! She's told us she's in love with Relay!"

Luna smacked her sister.

At this point. Sacred, Polaris and Relay were comforting Callisto.

"Who wants cake!?" Luna said.

They all got up and went to the cake and present table.

Relay gave Callisto his present and some cake.

His present was a raccoon and opossum stuffed animal.

The time was 7:00 pm.  Everyone was dressed in their costumes. At this point Callisto was a little less sad because she was dressed up as her favorite virtual pop star, Hatsune Miku.

After they got home at like 12:00 am Celestia had some news.

"Callisto, we've arranged a marrige with you with one of the royal alicorns outside of Equestria." Celestia said.

- to be continued...