Possibility (A Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Story)

Chapter Twenty Three - I'm OK

I had been crying for two days. I had not left my room, not showered, I barely eaten, that was only when Nat came and forced me to eat. My heart and head hurt. I never knew heartbreak would feel like this. It is even worse than I imagined. It feels like my heart is empty. Like someone, within seconds, with just a few words, could take my heart out. I did not know what to do. I did not have the courage to stand up from bed to do anything. Nat was the only one allowed into my dorm. I told her everything after Steve left. I told her how Steve thanked me with a broken heart and how I hated myself. It was such a selfish thing to do. He gave me all I ever wanted. He made me happy and he was perfect. But I still couldn't stop loving the murderer of my parents. What a logic!! She told me that it would be alright, and that it wasn't my fault. How could it not be?! It's my heart that chose Bucky, without me even knowing!

"Heeeeyyyy", I hear Nat say from the living room as she walks in the door and to my bedroom. I won't answer her. I don't feel like talking. "Look what I brought", Nat says slowly, raising a bow with Chinese food over her head. I just look at her with blank eyes. I have nothing to say or do. I don't want to. "Oh, come on", Nat says sitting next to me at the bed. "It's been 2 days.. This is the third. You need to forgive yourself." Nat says supportingly. I just shake my head. Nat sighs. "Look. I know that it feels wrong, but I think that Steve is over it. And you should too.", she says bumbling my shoulder for any response. I only stretch out for the food, but she lifts it away. "A a a a, Not before you answer me", She says demandingly. "OK", is all I I say. "OK, what?" Nat asks. "Ok, I will get over it. Now can I have my food.", I say with no emotions. "Come ooon. You have to mean it", Nat demands me. "Say it to yourself and then believe it", She says. I sigh heavily. "I... I... It's OK", I say outloud to myself. "Gooooood", Nat says as if she is talking to a kid that just counted to ten of the first time. A smile appeares on my face, and Nat immediately starts smiling back to me. She hands me the food. "Thank you", I say. "No problem, just make sure to eat", Nat says standing up. "Not just for the food", I say, making her stop walking and turn to me. "For always being there for me. Even when I told you not to.", I say emptying my heart to her. "You are welcome", she says and smiles humbly. "I like having a sister", She says to me, while winking and then she walks out. "I'll see you tomorrow", Nat says from the living room, as she walks towards the door. "See you", I say. The only thing I get in response is the sound of my door shutting.

I sigh as I stand up. The night sky is clear, but the streets are still busy. These windows are sound proof, but I can see cabs driving, people walking and restaurants light in the dark. It kind of warms me up. I find a sweater from my closet and go outside on the balcony. The fresh and cold air makes me shiver, but in a good way. I look at the beautiful wiew as I wonder why I never went out here. I look up to the sky and sigh. "I miss you guys", I say towards the many stars on the sky. When I was young, aunt Pamela used to say that each of my parents were one of the stars on the sky. And that they only shined at night because that is when we were asleep and needed the most protection. I know that it is all just bullsh*t... But I still find comfort in it. Knowing that they were keeping me safe. I go back inside, close the door and head for the kitchen. Nat insisted on grocery shopping for me, even though I had no need for food in my kitchen. I ate at Steve's almost every night. I sigh again at the thought of Steve. How did he know? Even before I did? It must have been awful. Knowing that your girlfriend is in love with someone else, and then have to tell her yourself because she is to stupid to understand herself. I take out a milk jug from the fridge and a glass from the shelf. I thump down on one of the seats around the table and drink my milk in silence.

Someone breaks the peaceful quiet by knocking on the door. "Come in", I scream from the kitchen, thnking it was Nat. "I'm in the kitchen", I shout as I hear the door open. Then I hear footsteps. They don't belong to Nat. I have heard her footsteps for days. When the person finally stops in the kitchen entrance, my heart drops and I feel like I'm gonna puke. I don't know why this happens, it just does. There I am sitting in my oversized hoodie and some pants, with my messy hair, looking like sh*t.

"Hi", Bucky says. I immediately turn my head around, not letting him se my reaction. "I know I am the last person you want to see right now, but this is important.", he says worried. I turn my attention to him, but still looking into my glass of milk. "Fury has requested all the avengers to meet in 10", Bucky says with a calm, throat voice. It sounds like he hasn't slept well either. I nod to tell him that I understand. He is about to leave when he stops and turns around. I am still looking at my glass, frowning my eyebrows at why he stopped. Then he takes a deep breath. "For what it's worth... I'm really sorry". He says with a sad tone. I look up at him, and for a breef moment, we lock eyes. His eyes empty. Probably like mine. He broke the contact and went quitely out. Was he sad? Did he mean what he just said?

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Thanks for reading. Please tell if there is something that needs to be changed. There is always room for improvement.

TRUST IS FRAGILE❤️