Shades Of Blue

63. Flourish

Benjie

January

Age 30

The coffee shop smelled of baked goods and caffeine. The tip of the charcoal pencil quickly stroked back and forth as Benjie shaded in the shadows of a rough character sketch. The character was a woman, ghostly and forlorn. What he was trying to capture was both her vulnerability and strangeness. He wanted his readers to feel for the woman, but also have her image strike a certain unease. It was something he loved about the horror genre, that two opposites can exist in one being. A creature can be both breathtakingly beautiful and terrifying all at once. He just had to draw it the right way, lay out the right story for his monsters to take shape.

During his numerous stints in rehab through the last decade, Benjie drew. It was the only thing he enjoyed for a long time. When he was finally clean, he went to college to hone his craft. Three years ago, Benjie Archer published his first graphic novel titled Batty. He'd won an award for it.

At this point, Benjie had published three graphic novels and one adult coloring book. The sales of the coloring book were surprisingly high. He was coming up on age 31 and he already owned his home. For countless millennials in and around Toronto, that was a feat. He had moved to Toronto only a few weeks earlier. Before that, Benjie had lived in Quebec, doing contract work for a video game company.

He hadn't been back to Ontario since his mid-20s. Living so close to his mother proved to be toxic. They were better over the phone. She had moved out to cottage country a year earlier with her sister, so Benjie was still able to maintain that distance.

Benjie could have lived anywhere. That was one of the perks of being your own boss. After much consideration, he chose Toronto, only a train ride away from where he grew up.

Benjie took a sip of his coffee, his eyes still glued to the page of his sketchbook.

It took until he was 27 to really comprehend how messed up his mind had been. It took many hours of therapy to accept that he was abused by multiple people he trusted, and that it wasn't his fault. Until then, he had really believed it, that he had done something to deserve the treatment he received from his father and Jake. There were other names on the list, but they were more like footnotes than people.

He loved others, some fiercely, but none as fierce as his first, his eternal love for his childhood best friend. He cut off all contact with Neel out of shame. Neel deserved better than what Benjie could offer. By the time he felt healthy, sober, and functional, it seemed as though it was too late to reach out. It had been seven years and they hadn't so much as sent a message to one another. Originally, Benjie had accepted that Neel was a part of his life he couldn't revisit. Some things in life have an expiration date.

One winter night when Benjie was 28, he was staring out of his apartment window in Quebec. He watched the snow gently fall and he thought about Neel. He thought about all the nights they had spent together, all of the frozen days in the treehouse when they wanted to hide from their parents. He wondered where Neel was, if he was married, if he was happy.

It could have been the snow, the season, or the fact that It's a Wonderful Life was playing on TV again and had him feeling reminiscent, but Neel's words echoed in Benjie's mind seven years after he spoke them. We could go 50 years without speaking and I'll still come running if you call. Benjie would hold him to that.

He jumped onto his laptop and dove into social media in search of him. Neel Jones was easy to track down, now a teacher in Merit Harbor at the school they had attended as kids. His photo albums caught Benjie up on what he had missed, exposing the same gorgeous, yet fake smile Neel displayed in each photograph until he reached a specific photo captioned Us. A grin spread over Benjie's lips as he studied the picture. It was Neel and Benjie, young and madly in love in that last year of high school. That smile wasn't fake.

With a deep breath for bravery, Benjie sent a friend request and with it, a note.

Couldn't wait the full 50 years to reach out,

Love always,

<B

Benjie could hear a bell ring as the shop door swung open and tapped it. With eager anticipation, he put his pencil and sketchbook away, got up and spun to face the door. Here they were again, ten years later, in another province, in another coffee shop.

Time can be a fickle creature. It can please some and vanquish others. Benjie had never been exceptionally good with time, always running late or jumping the gun. It took a while to accept that when it came to the important things in life, patience was essential. Benjie had to learn patience, gained his strength until he could stand on his own. It took thirty years, but time had finally become his friend. Without forcing it, Benjie and Neel's timing was finally aligned. They had been friends over a long distance for two years. Now that Benjie had come home, they could finally be more.

It had been around 17 years since Benjie gave what in his mind was an engagement wristwatch to Neel, receiving his silver infinity ring in turn. Benjie still wore that ring every day, now on his finger instead of on a chain around his neck. Neel still wore his watch, although Benjie was certain it didn't work anymore.

Benjie Archer beheld the man he had loved for most of his life and smiled, overcome with a happiness some only dream of. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around Neel, his best friend, his lover, his one.

 
The End