Shades Of Blue

48. Puppy

*WARNING FOR SEXUAL ABUSE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, PHYSICAL ABUSE, DRUG USE*

Benjie

December

Age 20

Benjie winced as he pressed the frozen bag of peas to his right eye. Hopefully, with the aid of the peas, there wouldn't be too much swelling. He wished he could go home to his loft and lock himself away until he eventually died of thirst or hunger. He never did it, though, always emerging once again for his fix and a dose of whatever Jake had in mind. 

His assumption that morning had been that he could keep his money in a hidden pocket within his pants. It didn't work. Nothing ever did. Jake had punched him in the eye and nearly crushed Benjie's testicles in his effort to find the money. When he found it, he clapped Benjie on the cheek and took it. "I don't know why you're trying to hold out. You know you're just gonna give me the money later," Jake had said, counting the bills he had found on his treasure hunt.

Now, Jake eyed Benjie from his easy chair. "You deserved it," he said about the shiner Benjie was nursing.

Benjie set the bag of peas onto the coffee table. "Why do you tell people you're straight?" he wondered. The question had been on his mind for what felt like ages.

"'Cause I am straight."

Benjie let out a tiny chuckle, assuming Jake was kidding. "What about me?"

With a shrug, Jake paused his game to snort another line of coke that waited for him on the coffee table. "You don't count," he sniggered. "You're pretty much a girl, so..."

"I'm not, though," Benjie argued, deeply offended. He knew Jake didn't necessarily respect him as a man, but he at least assumed Jake thought of him as one.

Jake smirked villainously. "Whatever you say."

With a roll of his sad eyes, Benjie stood up and made his way over to the kitchen island that bordered the living room and stood with his back to Jake and the television. From his pocket, he produced a small bag with a few pills inside, took one out, and popped it into his mouth. The cocaine was too much for him tonight, he needed to even himself out. Knowing that nothing was only his now, Benjie held up the bag so Jake could see it. "Want one?"

"Nah," Jake decline. "You shouldn't mix that with coke."

Benjie shrugged, unbothered. More for him.

From the living room behind him, he could hear his cellphone chiming on the couch. It must have fallen out of the pocket of his hoodie when Jake was wrestling him for drug money.

Benjie could hear Jake as he hopped over to the couch to snoop. There was no use in telling him not to. As soon as they got physical, Benjie was unable to keep anything to himself. 

No matter, he had nothing to hide. It was Jake who had secrets, other partners, other lives. He would never share any of it with Benjie. He simply didn't fit into those aspects of Jake's life so there was no need to force it. 

Their relationship was pretty simply.There was no love, no safety, no intimacy. Only "fun."

"Oh," Jake said with pleasant surprise as he thumbed through Benjie's smartphone.

"What?" he wondered, slouched over the kitchen counter with his head in his hands. He was carefully controlling his breathing, hoping to slow his speeding heart rate.

Jake approached Benjie, offering the phone to him. "Neel wants to know if you're going home for Christmas."

Benjie attempted to take his phone only for Jake to pull it out of his reach.

"I thought you weren't talking to him anymore," he stated, scrolling through the message history to find that Benjie hadn't responded to Neel since Halloween.

"I'm not," Benjie agreed. "But we're pretty much neighbors back home. He probably wants to see when my flight is."

"Hm," Jake smirked, cocking his head to the side. "You gonna go with him?"

Benjie forced a single chuckle. "No. Would it matter if I did, though?"

"Of course it would matter, Puppy," Jake assured him. "Flying off with your ex matters."

"Well, I'm not even going back for Christmas, so it's a nonissue."

Jake finally offered Benjie the phone. "So, tell him."

With uncertainty, Benjie took it and quickly told Neel the same thing he had told Jake, ending with a friendly, Merry X-Mas. Say Hi to the 'rents for me. It was the most he had said to Neel since early November.

He set his phone down on the counter and dragged his fingers through his shaggy hair. "Done."

"Good. Now block him."

Benjie glanced at Jake with a crooked eyebrow. "No."

Jake was smirking. He was always smirking. "Block him."

Shaking his head more at the situation than Jake's request, Benjie chortled. This was crazy. Since when did Jake care about Benjie's correspondences?

Jake took this as Benjie laughing at him and, before Benjie could register what was happening, Jake took hold of his hair and slammed his face down onto the countertop, narrowly avoiding breaking Benjie's nose. "What's so funny?"

"Ow! Fuck!" Benjie cried out as pain intruded his sinuses and made the room bright for a moment. "What's wrong with you?"

Jake kicked Benjie in the back of the knee, causing him to collapse and hit his chin on the surface of the counter, knocking him silly. Jake wrapped his hand around Benjie's neck and stared into his eyes with ferocity. "I don't appreciate lies, Pup."

Benjie clawed at his hand, gasping for air.

"Do you wanna run back to Neel?" he demanded, tightening his grip. "Huh?"

Benjie tried to shake his head, unable to speak.

"You know he doesn't give a shit about you, right?" Jake drilled. "No one does, Pup. Nobody but me. Should I just give up, too?" he shoved Benjie away, releasing his throat and allowing him to breathe. "Fuck. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother, you pathetic, little pussy."

Catching his breath, Benjie grabbed the kitchen counter and pulled himself up. He draped his body over it, resting his forehead on its cool surface as he tried to steady himself. His muscles tensed when he could feel the heat of Jake's body behind his, snaking his hands around Benjie's midsection in what would be their first hug. He pulled Benjie back so that his shoulders pressed to Jake's collarbone. His warm breath cascaded over Benjie's cold skin, his lips hovering beside Benjie's neck. "It just hurts that you feel like you can't trust me," Jake told him, his voice soothing and calm. "First the money thing, then you're all friendly with Neel...I'm scared you want him back. I don't wanna lose you, Puppy."