Shades Of Blue

36. Pick One

Neel

September

Age 17

The bruises were slowly fading, but with them faded any certainty Neel had harbored about Benjie. With each day that passed as the school year commenced, Neel could feel Benjie drifting away. He wasn't present anymore, always staring at his phone, drawing, or reading. Ignoring Neel.

The school day was over, and Neel spotted Benjie trudging down the hall to the exit, lost in his thoughts as usual. He jogged up behind him to keep pace "You're not waiting for me anymore?"

With a shrug, he kept his eyes on the floor and continued to walk.

"Treehouse?" Neel smirked with confidence.

"Not today."

Not today? Neel had never gotten that response before. Plus, Benjie usually did all he could to avoid going home. "You good?" he wondered with mounting concern.

"Yep," Benjie replied as his cellphone chimed with a new message notification. He pulled it out of the front pocket of his jeans to read it. The corners of his lips turned up for a second before the would-be smile vanished.

"What are you up to right now?" Neel pressed.

Benjie thumbed a reply into his phone. "Going home."

"Want some company?" Neel wondered, endlessly hopeful.

Meeting his gaze for the first time that day, Benjie held up his phone as an example. "Got it covered. Later," he said, excusing himself.

"Can I at least drive you home?"

-----

Benjie got into the passenger's seat of Neel's car and slammed the door shut. Neel could feel the tension Benjie was holding onto, wondering how he could mend whatever had gone wrong. Desperation wasn't something Neel had acquainted himself with so far in life. He worried that he was getting dangerously close.

The engine was running, its hum consuming the silence between them. "Are we going?" Benjie asked, his patience stretching thin.

"Fallen tree."

Neel could feel Benjie's glaring at him before he said, "no."

"Fallen tree," Neel insisted, wringing the steering wheel, white-knuckled. "Have I ever not shown up when you've said that?"

With his phone firmly held in his hand, Benjie sighed and rubbed his brow. "Fine. Drive."

Neel drove to the parking lot by the park's entrance and killed the engine. A suffocating silence rested between them as they got out of the car and made their way down the now paved path, veering off to a small footpath they'd stomped through the years to their dead tree.

Benjie punched a message into his phone again, avoiding Neel's stare.

"Who are you texting?" Neel asked him in a more demanding tone than intended.

Shoving the phone back into his pocket, Benjie sucked his teeth with scorn. "Amina. Why are we here? You can't use the code words just to shoot the shit."

Neel chortled, holding his chest as though he had been shot by an arrow. "I didn't know how awful it was to hang out with me."

"Don't do that," Benjie sneered and rolled his eyes. "What's your problem? I can't have any time to myself now?"

Grinding his teeth, Neel scrambled for a way to maintain control. "You've been hanging out with Amina a lot lately," he pointed out.

"Not any more than usual," Benjie replied defensively, brows furrowed.

"Are you getting serious?"

Benjie scoffed and turned to leave. "This is fucking ridiculous."

Neel grabbed his arm, turning Benjie to face him. "Can you just talk to me for a minute?"

With a sigh, Benjie stood still and waited for Neel to speak.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm not used to being jealous," Neel struggled to confess. "I can't help it if I want you all to myself."

Crystal blue eyes assessed Neel with fury. Carefully, Benjie reached out and snatched Neel's glasses. He took a deep breath, shaking his head to himself before he sent his fist flying into Neel's eye.

Neel held his perfect face, shouting obscenities in pain. "Use your fucking words!" he scolded.

"Stop thinking with your dick, you selfish jackass," Benjie instructed in a growl, "then you can talk about having me to yourself."

-----

Benjie slammed the car door shut and jogged into his house. Neel flipped down the visor to get a look at his eye, unable to believe Benjie had actually punched him. The area around his right eye was already discolored. Sucking his teeth and stifling his rage, Neel put the car into drive and headed a few blocks away. A piece of him wanted to defy Benjie simply because he felt his hand was being forced. Swallowing his pride, Neel reminded himself that, at his age, his emotions couldn't always be trusted. He was reacting the same way he would if his parents had forbidden him from seeing someone.

He's not your parents, moron, Neel reminded himself. Stop acting like a child. You can't have them both anymore.

He pulled the car up to her house and turned off the engine, sitting there for a couple of minutes and coming to terms with his final decision. Moira was great. She didn't deserve what Neel had done to her. He knew she would hate him if he told the full truth. She would also broadcast it to every person they knew before lunch the next day. Benjie wouldn't like that. 

Half-truth it was.