Shades Of Blue

30. The Cool Kids

*WARNING FOR UNDERAGE DRINKING, BULLYING, SMOKING, AND HOMOPHOBIA*

Benjie

August

Age 17

Benjie had disliked parties going back to when he was a small child. It helped that his twin sister was everyone's favorite, from the kids at school to their own family members. Ellie was the golden child. Even when their shared birthday came around, all eyes were on her like he didn't exist. If it happened to be someone else's birthday party and Benjie was invited, he would always end up off to the side, accompanied by that household's pet. There had to be something wrong with him. Everyone else loved parties, especially high school parties. They enjoyed drinking and talking, dancing and joking around. He had tried to join in on this fun everyone was going on about, but it never worked. Benjie was always bored or extremely uncomfortable. Usually, if there were too many people, he would get nauseous and earn a legitimate excuse to go home. Partying didn't mean cutting loose for Benjie. It was more of a chore than anything else, something he did not only because Neel requested it, but also to keep Neel within arm's reach. If Benjie didn't try, Neel would realize how boring he really was.

Many of the local teens had been throwing bonfire parties by the lake all summer, invading the woods Benjie and Neel had grown used to having to themselves. Before Benjie left his house, a cloud of impending doom hovered over him. This was a mistake. He should stay home. He wouldn't, though, too afraid of the consequences of his absence. Neel could meet someone new. What if it was a guy this time? Benjie knew Neel could be promiscuous. He was still coming to terms with this considering the new developments in their relationship, but girls were different than boys. Neel being with a girl was something Benjie didn't like but accepted because he couldn't possibly fulfill those needs for him. He didn't have the equipment. But a guy, he knew he wouldn't be able to handle that. He would do something stupid like fight this hypothetical new guy, then probably punch Neel in his perfect face. The jealousy and new possessive thoughts were already putting Benjie through the wringer. He didn't need another person to compete with for Neel's attention.

Music could be heard booming from the beach as Benjie made his way through the woods. For the occasion, he wore his black chinos, a studded belt, and a red and black t-shirt. He smelled of Neel's favorite body spray, which to Benjie smelled like pina colada, a sweet scent now drawing the attention of mosquitos.

He could hear laughter and chatter as he approached the tree line, able to see the fire twisting and licking at the darkness around it. Taking a deep breath for courage, Benjie emerged onto the beach.

He felt invisible as he weaved between the groups of people, eavesdropping on seconds of conversation before moving on to another. A guy from one group had just returned from a summer of sailing. A girl in another group was dropping out of school, it would get in the way of her new job.

When he found himself beyond the crowded bonfire, Benjie could finally see Neel, Ellie, and friends smoking a joint by the water, illuminated by the moon and its reflection on the calm surface of the lake. Benjie couldn't hear them, but he could see Neel's face light up as he laughed.

Retreat, he thought. Too many people.

Heart knocking against the inside of his chest, Benjie disregarded the urge to flee and walked over, filling the empty space between Ellie and Neel in a loose circle of people. Across from him stood Moira, who eyed him with bitter suspicion. It was clear now that neither of them cared for the other, both vying for every ounce of Neel's time and attention, never satisfied with some or even most of it. Only all of it.

Neel had his arm around her, too caught up in conversation with Isaac to notice Benjie had joined them. "That's a sick idea!" he proclaimed to Isaac with joyous enthusiasm. "We gotta do that shit on March Break for sure."

"It's too expensive," Moira complained. "And I don't even know how to ski. I'm not chipping in for a chalet just to hang out on my own all week while you guys play in the snow. We get snow here. I'm sick of snow and school hasn't even started yet. We should go somewhere with a better climate and more to do, like New Orleans or something. Somewhere fun."

"Are you nuts?" Ellie questioned aggressively. "You've seen my hair in the sauna. I'm not going to a swamp to be ugly and frizzy the whole time." She rested her elbow on Benjie's shoulder, accepting him into the group.

Neel was still distracted, yet to notice him.

"Bourbon Street will have you forgetting all about your hair," Isaac chuckled, placing a hand on the small of Ellie's back. He ground his teeth when he noticed Benjie. "What are you doing here, Powder? Trying to cock-block Neel again?"

Moira giggled as Neel nibbled at her neck, his hand exploring underneath her tank top. He dropped his empty beer can to the sand and threw Moira over his shoulder. She squealed as he playfully smacked her rear and pretended he was going to throw her into the lake. He let her slide down his body as they continued away from the group, hungrily kissing her lips.

"See?" Isaac gloated. "He's not interested, you creepy, little cocksucker."

Ellie shoved Isaac away and slapped him in the face. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Isaac questioned. "It's his fault--"

"Stop."

Isaac backed down to the severity in her tone of voice.

Benjie tugged on her arm, trying to prevent this from escalating. If she did anything, it would only make things worse. "C'mon. I don't care."

"I care," she growled at him before whirling around to Isaac. "Talk some more shit and see what happens, you little bitch."

She would punch Benjie for pointing it out, but her temper and choice of cuss words were identical to their father's.

Isaac eyed Benjie and sucked his teeth before regarding Ellie. "Sorry, Ell. I know he's your brother but come on. Moira tried to tell you." His focus rested back on Benjie. "Powder's obsessed with Neel and he's been trying to break them up all summer."

"That's bullshit," Benjie said, puzzled by the accusation. Was this Moira's version of events, or Neel's?

"Is it?" Isaac mock wondered. "You know, I still remember that drawing of him from when we were kids. You've always been obsessed with him, haven't you, freak? You a stalker, too?"

Ellie placed herself between them, glaring at Isaac. "I'm done. You're just as big an asshole as you were in sixth grade," she informed him before she linked arms with her brother and stormed off.

Finally, Benjie thought of Ellie breaking up with Isaac. That relationship had never made any sense to him.