Shades Of Blue

26. New Friend

Neel

October

Age 20

Neel disliked this. Another night at the pub, party of three. He should have been happy Benjie was acclimating so well. He had even made a friend, but that friend left Neel unsettled. As the days, then weeks wore on, Jake became a permanent fixture next to Benjie. Jake seemed to adore him, doting on him, touching his arm here, massaging his shoulder there. Neel knew Jake was strictly hetero and that he was just a touchy-feely sort of guy, but he couldn't shake his growing suspicions.

Neel tried to imagine what that would look like, Jake and Benjie. He could see them entangled, two bodies immersed in passion, Benjie's quiet moan. Neel wanted to be aroused by it, fit himself in and make it a fantasy. He couldn't. What he really wanted was to stake his claim and scare Jake away. "He's mine!" Neel imagined himself roaring before throwing Benjie over his shoulder to scurry off to his cave.

His teeth ground together as Jake leaned in too close to Benjie to whisper into his ear. Benjie smirked mischievously and nodded his head with enthusiasm.

"We'll be back," he told Neel, then got up with Jake and disappeared into the crowded pub.

Disgruntled, Neel stared at his half-finished beer before taking a gulp to continue drowning his feelings. What were they doing? Why hadn't he been invited?

Five minutes later, they emerged from the rabble. Jake walked behind, his hands on Benjie's shoulders, using him as a cowcatcher in the crowd. His face was next to Benjie's as he spoke into his ear some more. Benjie laughed and his face brightened up. Neel could remember how rare that laughter used to be.

Instead of returning to the table, they headed to the bar to order some shots.

Neel hated Jake. He hated his gaze that always lingered too long on Benjie.He hated his hands that were always on Benjie's shoulders. Where else had those hands explored on the love of Neel's life?

The pair took their shots and joked around like old friends while Neel watched from afar.

Why Jake? Sure, he was attractive enough, but the guy was reckless. Neel couldn't begin to imagine what could happen to Benjie without someone to ground him and give him a safe place to lie his head. Jake was the kind of person who would pull Benjie into the madness he needed refuge from and call it fun.

Jealousy, an old acquaintance. 

Maybe Neel could give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps it was only friendship between them, along with a lot of drugs. Benjie was on something almost every day, all paid for by what he called "guilt money." Neel hadn't seen him completely sober in weeks. Maybe that was it. Jake had drugs. Benjie wanted them. Maybe Jake wasn't a threat in the way Neel had initially feared, but a dangerous threat all the same.