✺✺8:44 pm
today was a bad day. it was bad in the way that makes it hard to eat and it was bad in the way that makes the colors dull. it was bad because my heart wouldn't slow down and it was bad because i couldnt look at myself in the mirror. it was the kind of bad day that lingers, but i guess i should be grateful. i should thank the universe for giving me life and letting me keep it. i should be happy that my heart is beating, happy that it's hurting, because at least i have a heart to feel this pain with right ? i should be glad that every day gets harder and every breath feels scratchier on my throat. that every word i speak feels empty and every move i make sends aches through my body. that my spine hurts. that my music doesn't make me feel anything anymore. that i have no interest in the things i love. that my father is tired of me. that the thought of eating makes me sick. that i don't recognize my reflection. that i can't remember what day it is. that i have no motivation. i should be glad right? right? i should shut my mouth sit tight and accept all of the hurt with a smile on my face. i should be ecstatic because at least i have a life to live. i should be so unfathomably happy. happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy hpayy hoayy hpayy hapyy happy hapyy hapou happi happy happy.
i should be happy
because even when the days are bad, they're not the worst bad days ever. even if they make me feel like im laying on a bed of thorns, they're just bad days right?
im sorry that i cant be okay with that
YOU ARE READING
tears turned to ink
Poetrypieces of my thoughts and heart sewn together and melted down for me to write about trigger warning: everything
