tears turned to ink

june 6, 2022

⬔⬕9:56pm

i truly believe that i am the kind of person who could die from a broken heart. even if it wasn't due to my heartstrings collapsing or a cardiac arrest or and immediate death by my own hand, i think the aftermath of a heartbreak could be the death of me. the process of having my heart broken is painful enough on its own i can't imagine how my poor organs feel when i try to recover.
it starts with my head
my migraines are constantly pounding against my skull
the networks in my brain are pushing back and forth with thoughts of bad and worse and unbearable and my eyes are flooded and flooding and flooding until i cant cry anymore because there is no more water for my body to let go of
it travels lower
and my throat closes up i can barely breathe the only sounds i can manage are sobs and pleads to turn back time and to feel okay again
my shoulders sag and my back aches and i can feel my spine drooping lower and lower as time passes by never bothering to look up because all i want to see is your face
your face
your face
my stomach cramps i cant eat i cant eat i cant eat i cant eat i cant eat
eating only hurts more it only makes me nauseous it only forces me to move my brittle bones
to take care of myself
i dont want to care for myself
why should i
why should i
why should i
why when you're not here
why when you're not there
why when you are nowhere to be seen
or heard of
or felt
i miss your skin
why should i why should i why should i i don't want to i won't i cant
i can't
can you at least say hi
please text me back
i checked every five minutes
have you seen my story
have you seen my story
have you seen my story
please call me
please
call me
call me
call me
call me call me
call me
it's been three hours
are you awake
do you care
im important right
right

it's easier to eat when i know you're going to call me

it's easier when my heart doesn't hurt

please call me, im hungry

i cant eat i cant eat
call me please i need to eat

i dont want to deteriorate, i just want to hear your voice again

i dont want to hear your voicemail
please
please
please
call me