tears turned to ink

september 3, 2020

☕︎☕︎11:27pm

blood
i woke up
blood
blood and pain and nausea and fear
it's gone all hope of you conversing with me, of you coming back to me, is gone

i think i had a miscarriage

i think i was pregnant with a mini us and i think it died

i think i killed our baby, killed a part of you that resided within me

i think i blew it, my chance at speaking to you again

you told me, begged me to stop being so reckless with my body because we wanted a family in a few years and i didn't listen and, and it caught up with me. we didn't want one yet anyways, you didn't at least

i would have kept it

i would have raised it all on my own to prove to you that im not defective, that i can take care of a human and a household and myself ALL WITHOUT YOU

but i can't now, i think this blood is my child

i'll tell you soon enough

i'm sorry, i should have listened when i had the chance,
when you loved me </3