tears turned to ink

december 3, 2019

『』4:10 pm

i feel alone again. i feel dead. i'm in a 20 foot deep grave that i dug for myself and i deserve it. nobody likes me. i am worth less than nothing and i want to part the red sea in my veins with a razor and be left to bleed out filled with mu own misery. i am fucking pathetic.i continuously let everyone and everything dictate what i do and how i do it and i am treated the the baby of the group, i do not need constant protection you do not need to worry about me so much i can take care of myself i am capable. i never want to speak about myself with others. i never want to seek out help. i would rather suffer alone with only my thoughts and the voices in my head than ask for help. the voices are my only true friends. they're all different versions of me, one is aggressive and has suicidal/ homicidal tendencies, one is extremely sensitive, one is mean, one is passionate, some of them are locked away. smart and confident and happy are all in jail. they gave me false hope and only alcohol and drugs helps them escape. recently i haven't been able to control the voices . they do what they want and it makes everyone mad. everyone hates me but it's not my fault i cannot control it and it takes over and it keeps screaming that there's something inside my head and i want it all to stop i want it out. i want to be free and happy and love and be loved.