tears turned to ink

december 2, 2019

¥10:23am

i haven't updated here in a while, youre probably wondering why. november was good, great even and whenever i was upset i had someone to talk to or i wrote in a physical journal or made art. i thought i was okay for most of that month. i was happy to start a new month with my favorite people and my liquor and my smoke. my heart was cleansed and i felt utterly good. then midnight hit. the clock rang 12am and my heart went black. i had a month without problems from him. i had opened up to my friends and told them why i am how i am and then as. soon. as. i. feel. free. he is back. i burned his stuff, deleted his pictures, redid my room, recreated myself, and declared my utter hatred for him, and he decided "hes not mad anymore". WHAT ABOUT ME. I.AM.FUCKING INFURIATED. i do not want to talk to you. i don't want to see you. i don't want you to even think about me. keep me out of your head, you have no fucking right. fuck. off. you hurt me time and time again for 16 months. you took everything from me. my first kiss, my first time, my first relationship, my first love, my fucking sanity. i am a fucking shell of a human and i finally started to love life again and you decided to come ruin it again. fuck you.