tears turned to ink

ferbruary 29, 2020

€€3:06 pm

i saw them together today. she's pretty. she's in the sixth period i skip in every day. she wouldn't look at me. i didn't realize it was her and i almost complimented her. i feel sick. i saw them again after school. she didn't look happy. he looks the same. i miss him. he keeps trying to talk to me and be my friend and i wish i had enough heart to be able to be his friend. to erase our past. but i love him, i think. he was the worst possible human i could have fallen for. he forced himself onto me and made me feel like shit constantly but i still fucking love him. we had an abusive relationship and i still love him. he left me in one if my darkest times and i still love him. he has spread rumors and turned my friends against me and i still. fucking. love him. we have since cleared the air but the tension will never be gone. every time we speak i feel it. it tears me apart. seeing him tears me apart. he's tried to be with people i used to be close with and he turned my best friend against me but i miss him every fucking day. it's been seven months. i miss you. im happy for you. she's pretty.