Winter's Widow pt 1!

Share Your Burdens And Sorrows With Me

*Screaming, fire, blood... you fall to the ground crying.. you shoot awake in a cold sweat... you look over and see that Bucky is still asleep.. he looks so peaceful. You kiss his cheek and he slightly smiles in his sleep.. you get up and head to the bathroom.. you splash some cold water on your face and remind yourself that everything is okay*
Y/N- It's all okay.. you're okay.. *You rub your belly*
*You sneak into Grants room and take him out of his crib.. he wakes up slightly*
Y/N- Shhh it's okay Grant... mamas got you..
*Grant falls back asleep and you go back into the bedroom.. you lay him down in his bassinet and pull it close to the bed. You lay down and watch him sleep.. making sure he is okay.. you eventually fall asleep around 7am as the sun pokes through the blinds*

*Bucky wakes up and sees Grant in the room.. he's confused because he doesn't remember hearing Grant cry last night.. Bucky sees that you are awake and staring at Grant*
Bucky- Hey baby.. how long have you been awake?
*You look at the clock.. it says 8am*
Y/N- 7:30..
Bucky- okay.. *He smiles and kisses you* when did he wake up?
Y/N- around 12..
Bucky- why didn't you wake me?? I would of gladly gotten him so you could sleep.
Y/N- you were sound asleep and I wanted to see him..
Bucky- Okay *He kisses your head* I'm gonna go squeeze in a quick workout.. wanna join?
Y/N- No.. I'm fine. *You smile at him and he kisses you
Bucky- okay.. be back in a bit..
*Bucky leaves and Grant wakes up.. you get him up and nurse him and go about your day... night comes again and you have another nightmare.. you bring Grant in the room again and fall asleep in the early morning hours. Bucky wakes up and notices*
Bucky- Two nights in a row?? Is he sick?
Y/N- No, he's just regressing.. it's normal..
*Bucky nods*
Bucky- okay.. I'm gonna go on a run
Y/N- okay.. bye, be safe..
*As Bucky leaves he bumps into Pepper*
Bucky- hey... did Morgan go through sleep regression around 8 months??
*Pepper thinks*
Pepper- No I don't think so.. it's usually around 3 and 6 months and then a year.. why?
*Bucky hums and nods*
Bucky- no reason.. it's just y/n says that Grants been waking up in the middle of the night and I'm just wondering if it's normal..
Pepper- oh, well every kids different.. you're lucky you can sleep through it!
*Bucky laughs and heads out the door*

*this goes in for a week.. Bucky gets more and more suspicious but he doesn't say anything... Bucky goes out for a run and to the store.. he gets back and sees you napping on the couch and Grant is playing in his play pin*
Bucky- Hey little Wolf.. it's nap time bud come on.. I guess mama fell asleep before she could get you down...
*You wake up and see Bucky taking Grant back to the room.. you fall back asleep but are quickly woken up by shouting.. Tony is yelling at Peter about something so you head back to your room.. Bucky sees you walk in as he comes out of Grants room*
Bucky- y/n... baby? *You turn around and you look tired* be honest.. how much have you slept this week??
Y/N- my normal amount babe.. it's Winnie she's just taking everything out of me..
*You kiss him and lay down.. you try to go to sleep but you can't.. not without seeing everything burning.. you sigh and open your eyes.. Bucky notices but doesn't say anything*

*Night comes again and you wait till Bucky falls asleep.. you want to make sure he's out before you starts having nightmares.. you don't want to bother him... You fall asleep and Bucky gets up.. he was pretending the whole time.. he moves himself to the chair and reads while he waits... at midnight you start shifting in your sleep and mumbling so Bucky lays back in bed and watches what happens next.. you wake up, rub your face, get up and get Grant, lay him down and lay down yourself.. you watch him sleep as you rub your belly... Bucky switches on the lamp and you quickly roll over*
Bucky- Busted..*You sigh and Bucky wraps you in his arms... he kisses your head* talk to me... please??
*You turn over and look at Bucky.. you start to cry*
Y/N- Not yet.. I will.. I just can't right now..
*You cling to his shirt and sob*
Bucky- Shhh it's okay y/n... I got you baby.. *He rubs your back* just got to sleep.. let me hold you while you sleep..
*You fall asleep crying... Bucky holds you and whispers sweet nothings in your ear as you sleep. When you wake up you look up at Bucky.. he's been awake the whole time*
Bucky- Good morning.. *You kiss him* how'd you sleep?
Y/N- better with you holding me but still not great..
Bucky- You ready to talk??
*You nod*
Y/N- Every time I close me eyes I see fire and blood. I hear screaming and I feel myself loosing Winnie.... *You burry your face in his chest* I can't sleep without reliving that night..
*Bucky holds you tight and You cry*
Bucky- y/n.... Am I alive?
*You look up at him shocked*
Y/N- Y-yyes!
Bucky- Is Steve alive?
Y/N- yes
Bucky- And Nat?
Y/N- Yes, Bucky-
Bucky- here.. watch this..
*Bucky opens his phone and pulls up the video of Winnie's sonogram*
Bucky- Look... this was just a week ago.. she's okay. Healthy and absolutely beautiful!
*You cry*
Bucky- everyone is alive and well.. Winnie is growing, Grant is okay.. he is locked away and so is Walker.. Pierce is nowhere near us and we are safe.. Baby, look at me.. *You do* we *He kisses you* are * kiss* safe *kiss* Okay?
*you cry and nod.. he holds you tight* I know reassurance isn't going to make everything better but it will help.. so now whenever you have one of these dreams and you wake up you wake me up-
Y/N- Bucky-
Bucky- No exceptions y/n.. none. Okay?
*You nod*
Bucky- You wake me up and I'll hold you and rub your back and whisper all of these truths.. I'll be here with you every step of the way and eventually it will get better..
*You nod*
Y/N- Okay.. but what if it doesn't?
Bucky- Then we will take the next step and get some more help and there's nothing wrong with that. Okay?
Y/N- Okay.. thank you Bucky.
Bucky- Can I ask you something? *You nod*
Why didn't you tell me?? Why did you go a whole week losing sleep and keeping this secret?
*You start to tear up*
Y/N- Our Life was starting to look normal... I didn't want this to screw it up..
*Bucky rubs your side*
Bucky- That wouldn't screw up our life.. We have an amazing life and we've had our fair share of trauma but you wanna know what's beautiful about all of this..
Y/N- What? *You say as your voice cracks*
Bucky- That no matter what we go through we always find our way back to each other.. right here, this moment, pouting our hearts out and supporting one another... all the trauma sucks and I wish I could get ride of it but I know we'd miss out on this.. *He motions between you two* now I'm not saying I like the trauma or all the shit that happens *You chuckle and wipe away tears* but I wouldn't trade the intimacy those situations have brought about for anything.. we've grown closer through it all and we will continue to grow... I love you baby and I will always be here for you
Y/N- I love you too Bucky.. and I'm always here for you too..
*Bucky takes your face in his hands and stares into your eyes*
Bucky- No more secrets.. okay? Share your Burdens and Sorrows with me.. please
*You nod and Bucky wraps you in his arms... you fall asleep and it's the best sleep you've had in weeks*