Running from the shadows

How they met

Chapter 1

I think I am the problem, I can blame my previous partners to a certain extent. I have been in so many failed relationships, I think I am the problem.

It hurts to admit it but I have nothing to lose at this moment, so I'll admit that I am the problem. I
don't know how I manage to ruin everything, surely there should be an award for people like me. I am not okay, I may laugh or shrug it off but I am lonely.  I feel like I have missed my train and now I am standing and just waiting for something, anything just to experience the love that I want so bad.

I could always go back to my ex, I can learn to be the person that he wants me to be. I mean what's the use of being picky when you end up making the wrong decisions.

*

I should probably get up from this floor and get dressed. My friend is throwing a champagne luncheon. I hate these pretentious events, What if I hate them because I am the pretentious one????.  Oh my god! I am 30 years old and I am still nitpick everything, no wonder I am still single.

"Mom, are you okay"
I lifted my head from the floor and looked at my son, he was standing at the door and he looked concerned.
"Should I bring you a blanket"
I at least got something right, my son, he's the only thing that makes sense in life.
Me" No, I am okay"
"These are tears of joy"
I hope he never has to heal from me, I am scared of being the mother my child has to heal from. Fuck! The idea of my child going to therapy because I was a shitty mother scares me.
"What time is your Dad fetching you?"
He came to sit on the floor then giggled. I named my son Umhlaomhle, the day I gave birth to him, I knew that I wanted to leave his father. I gave birth and I saw things differently at that moment. My son healed something in me at that very moment. It was a beautiful day and everyday with him has been nothing but amazing.
Mhla" He's already here"
" I can stay"
Me" Really? You want to pass up the opportunity to visit your grandparents in PE?"
Mhla" I can"
I got up then kissed his forehead.
Me" I love you today more than I did yesterday"
Mhla" I know mom"
Me" And you are not allowed to forget that"

I got up from the floor and gave him my hand so he can also get up. I looked at him and smiled.
"You are the most beautiful thing about me"
He smiled then shrugged, I giggled.
*

I don't know what people wear to a champagne party.  I just wore a white halter neck backless dress and patented strappy high heels. My braids remained in a bun and I did my makeup then left, I decided to Uber instead of driving.

I arrived at Nana's place and there was a bunch of cars, I greeted the few people that I knew then went inside. I spotted her standing with her husband chatting with some guy I didn't recognize, I smiled at her and then hugged Bonke her husband.
" I just paid 150rand for an Uber, I need you to move immediately"
They laughed
Nana" Why are you taking an Uber?"
Me" I didn't know what to expect, didn't feel like driving  because my visitor decided to bring his wife to my house. She's 10years old"
They laughed while I vented about my ex, tata ka Mhla has a way of getting under my skin. He doesn't even have to try.
Bonke" Breathe"
"You have been complaining about Sizwe since varsity, relax and enjoy yourself because I know he's having the time of his life as we speak"
I met them through Sizwe, him and I were high school sweethearts. He arrived at UCT before me, we dated for 8 years before calling it quits.
Me" I hate your friend"
Nana" We know"
The guy next to her was giggling, I looked at him then cleared my throat;
"Ah shit! I am so sorry"
Bonke" This is Xhanti Mali, and this blabbing lady over here is Kenny"
I rolled my eyes, I hate that the nickname that my ex gave me is literally stuck with me.
Me" Khensani"
Nana" Let's just go inside, I need to show you something"
I offered a smile then we excused ourselves.

*
The rest of the evening was actually fun, I was laughing with my peers and not over thinking anything.
"So is this what you do when no one is watching?"
I giggled and passed him my cigarette, he sat on the bench next to me.
Me" I only smoke when I have alcohol"
Xhanti" Really? I don't smoke, can I put this off?"
I nodded
" What's the appropriate way to leave this party without coming across as rude?"
Me" How do you know them?"
Xhanti" I actually don't, I met Bonke yesterday, I helped him with something and he extended an invitation as a thank you"
Me" Then anytime, unlike some of us who still have to sleep over here"
Xhanti" Why are you sleeping over?"
Me" It's way too late to take an Uber"
Xhanti" I'll take you home"
"You can go tell them uyahamba, my car is the white polo"