Running from the shadows

And a lie

Chapter 6

I woke up at 4 am and looked at Xhanti, he was fast asleep. I go out of bed and I looked for my gym clothes.

It's been 3 weeks since his new role was announced, my life didn't change in any sense Thank Godness.  However I felt like I was missing certain pieces to our puzzle, I don't know why I cannot shake that feeling off.

I took an energy bar and a bottle of water, then left for the gym. I knew I would get there before they open but I needed to clear my head. Especially before tonight, I needed to be sure about everything.

" I am at the gym"
I sent Xhanti a text then switched off my phone.

#

The rest of my day was such a drag, I went to work then lunch with Langa to plan Hlela's surprise 30th birthday. After that I went home with all the work that I needed to finish before tomorrow, but first I had to call my son;
Mhla" Mommy!!"
Me" I miss you so much"
Mhla" I miss you too Mama, this baby cries for me all the time"
Me" Hahaha you are her big brother"
Mhla" I am tired Mama"
I giggled because he's being dramatic and I am sure he is enjoying being around his little sister.
Me" I will see you next week for your first day of school"
Mhla" I am so excited, I already have two friends"
Me" Don't you miss being here?"
Mhla" Nope, there it's just us and here I have friends"
"I love you Mommy"
Me" I love you too Ndoda. I will call you later"

#
Xhanti wasn't home when I got there, I went straight to take a shower and then set on my bed naked trying to figure out what I will wear tonight. Xhanti is invited to some gala and I am obviously his date. I heard footsteps and quickly grabbed my robe and went to the living room, it was him and he had tulips with him.
Xhanti" These are for you"
Me" Thank you"
We hugged
"I am sorry about this morning"
Xhanti" I need to understand what happened, I feel like I am missing something and you need to tell me"
Me" I am tired"
Xhanti" Really?"
" Because I feel like it's deeper than that, you and I haven't been intimidated for weeks and I have been here for 3 days out of those 3 days I wake up and you are already gone"
Me" I am tired"
Xhanti" Bullshit and you know it!"
Me" I just have a lot on my mind"
Xhanti" Then talk to me because I am over here trying to guess what's wrong and I feel like I did something"
Me" Nothing"
"It's nothing"
Xhanti" But uyakhala"
" Ndithini? You want me to go?"
Me" I want you without all the other things. I want you to be a boyfriend and not some guy who plans on running the country someday. I want to be stupid with you without worrying about what people will think about me or have opinions about us. I want my life back Xhanti! I want to be normal "
" So I am trying to figure out how I can have you without the unnecessary pressure"
Xhanti" You want me to choose?"
Me" I feel like I am drowning and you are just watching me sink"
" So I am taking a step back"
Xhanti" Are you being serious?"
Me" You can stay here, I am going to Hlela's house"
Xhanti" Are you being serious right now?"
" You get to speak and I just accept that you want to breathe. Does my opinion matter?"
"You want normal? I gave you normal, not once has your picture been in a newspaper. I have been going above and beyond to protect you. Tonight is the first time I have asked you to accompany me to a public thing because it is important to me!! You are afraid of the unknown, you concluded shit alone and decided that it's best for us without consulting me. You said your marriage ended because you and your ex stopped talking, do you see the pattern??. I could throw you a life boat Khensani and you wouldn't take it because you are so used to doing things alone. That's not how relationships work, you put in the work! You show up for your partner! You don't run when it gets hard. You show up!"
Me" I...."
Xhanti" Don't bother"

*
Xhanti went back to Jo'burg yesterday and he texted me once since then. I wanted to text him but I think we broke up,  I am not even sure. Right now, I needed to focus on this moment and not let it show that I am dying inside.
" Can I wear jeans?"
I asked Hlela and she screamed;
"Hay! Hay! Hay!!! Dress up! No jeans, no sneakers"
I laughed
Me" Are you serious?"
Hlela" I'll see you in 15 minutes"
Me" You know Nana will be there right?"
Hlela" Zinitsi izinto ezindiphetheyo, however Nana isn't one of them. She can drink toilet water for all I care"
Me" That's dark"
Hlela" Msunu wakhe. See you soon"
We were going to Lexie's 30th birthday. My friends are complicated, Nana is not really my friend because I met her through Sizwe, so she is more her friend than mine but we hangout wethu. Hlela and I are friends and that's how she knows Nana, then Lexie is friends with Hlela and that's how she knows Nana and I. We all hangout with each other because minus the drama, they are fun people to be around.
Me" Hurry up!!"
I decided on black leather skinny pants and a cream lace corset crop top, and finished off with my Versace leaf sandals. By the time Hlela arrived I was fixing my hair, and having a glass of wine.
Me" Should we take Xhanti's car? Because it's here and my outfit needs a Benz"
Hlela" Yea, let's do it hahaha"
I took a denim jacket and we left, she played Busta 929 and we were off to Gigi's Rooftop.

*

The party? A blast and it's exactly what the doctor recommended for me. However I felt like people were staring at me and I was getting a bit uncomfortable.
Me" Are we still going to Rands tomorrow because I need to save my energy"
Lexie" Baby, check your phone"
Me" Why?"
Lexie" Someone just posted a thread about you and Xhanti"
Me" On twitter?"
"Impossible because I don't post Xhanti"
Lexie" This is you"
I stared at a photo of Xhanti and I kissing in the parking lot at his rally. Then another one of us laughing at Nana's party but that was the day him and I actually met.
Me" What?!"
Lexie" Go"
Hlela" You are too drunk to drive and that will somehow get out too. Wait I'll call Langa"
Me" I need to delete my Instagram stories"
Lexie" Too late babe"
"At least they are saying you are a baddie"
She shrugged as if being called hot is supposed to make me feel better.
Hlela" Lock your Instagram"
" Call Xhanti"
Me" I just wanna go home"
" Fuck!"
I was sober and I didn't feel like waiting for Langa so I just left them there. I drove straight to my place and called Sizwe crying;
"Can you talk?"
I asked
Sizwe" Yea, what's wrong?"

To be continued....