Running from the shadows

Where I belong

Chapter 23

Our Anniversary week was exactly what we needed, when we returned home it was Ntlanga's birthday. We celebrated that with my parents and his parents, we stayed in PE for a week because after this we would both be busy. My apartment will be an Airbnb and I had to move out, we bought a house in Clifton the asking price was R 172 500 000 and Xhanti lost his mind but it was the home I wanted. That almost caused a war but we negotiated and got a price that we were both happy with, he sold his home in Durban and I sold my house in Jeffrey's Bay. We both had property in our names, my place in Camps Bay and his in Sandhurst then the new house was the first asset in our marriage that we would split in case of divorce. We finally got around to doing our prenuptial agreement, the first time we didn't but this proves we were in a different place on our marriage. I kept everything that's mine and so did he, any money we make together while married goes to the children. The car he bought me is in my name and the business I started for him as a birthday surprise remains his. In case of any extra marital activities, I get a 10 million rand payout and I keep our new home. Fair things, he keeps it in his pants and keeps his money.

" You know in case of a tsunami, our house will be in shit"
Mhla said and I looked at me;
Me" Language!"
Mhla" Sorry Mama but our house is scary"
Me" You hate it?"
Ntlanga" Nooo! We love it"
Me" But"
Mhla" We die first"
Me" Hahaha shut up and come see your room"
It was their first time in the house, Xhanti and I officially moved in a week ago while they were at cricket camp.
Mhla" This is my room??"
Me" Yep"
Mhla" Am I sharing?"
Me" Nope"
Mhla" Alone?"
Me" Mhlaomhle this is your room, just like you have your own room in the presidential home. This is all yours, you can hang whatever crap you want to hang on your walls. Xhanti and I are trusting you with this"
Ntlanga" What about me?"
Me" Follow me"
"Your room is right next to ours, you can always visit Daddy and I whenever you can't sleep alone"
Both rooms had ocean views and they were made of glass, we removed that and put actual walls up and still left a bit glass because these two will grow up and admire this view. Maybe not now but they will.
Mhla" So do we live here now Mama?"
Me" Yes baby, our old home wasn't big enough for all five of us"
Mhla" A lot has changed"
Me" You not happy?"
Mhla" I am, Dad is happy and you are also happy"
Me" Sizwe and I love you"
Mhla" I know"
" I am going to unpack and take a nap"
Me" Are you okay boy?"
Mhla" Yep"
Me" I'll come back to check on you"

*

The day went by and Xhanti finally returned, he looked so exhausted. I offered to make him tea and he nodded.
" We are entertaining the premier of England at the main president house"
I looked at him and he rolled his eyes then laughed; " The house in Pretoria"
He said and I went to sit next to him.
Me" I need to sort out something this weekend, will you be fine with Ntlanga  or should I get Hlela to take him"
Xhanti" What happened?"
Me" I want to go away for the weekend with Sizwe and Mhla"
Xhanti" You need to do what?"
Me" Hahaha Sudika"
" I think Mhla feels like Sizwe and I had kids and moved on with our lives, then everything we used to do together just stopped"
Xhanti" Nizoyaphi?"
Me" Sizwe suggested Durban"
Xhanti" Sounds good because he loves the ocean"
Me" Can we go to bed? I just need you to hold me"
Xhanti" Yes, I love you and I know you will sort this out"

*

Sizwe was a surprise to Mhla, he thought it was just the two of us.  He was so shocked to see his father when we landed, Sizwe took us to the hotel. We were obviously not sharing, but our rooms joined.
" We should go to the beach"
Mhla said and Sizwe laughed;
" I love the beach okay"
Sizwe" We know"
Me" Go change then we will go"
Sizwe and I sat on the bed, he laughed then looked at me.
" Then?"
I asked and he smiled;
Sizwe" I didn't think we would ever divorce, that's the one thing that caught me off guard about us"
" You and I had everything planned but we both didn't foresee the divorce"
Me" I know but we both landed on our feet"
Sizwe" Yea"
" I wonder though, I am sure you also do sometimes"
Me" What? How things would have been if we stayed married?"
He nodded
" I have, it would have been easier staying with you that's for sure. But you would have made me move back to PE after varsity, I would have been a housewife and I would be miserable"
Sizwe" Why is it that in every scenario with me, you are not happy?"
Me" I love you. I however loved you more than I loved myself. I didn't know who I am with you because I was always busy trying to be who you wanted me to be. Does that make sense? I was everything that you wanted in a woman, didn't challenge you because I wanted your love even if it meant being someone else or making myself small in order to be who you wanted me to be"
Sizwe" That was your decision"
Me" Exactly. Why was it that I couldn't love me and love you at the same time? I didn't want that. That's how I know that we both made the right decision when it comes to the people we are now with. She is everything I wanted to be, she is the woman of your dreams without even trying. Maybe that's why I didn't like Mbali for so long because she was a reminder of what I couldn't be and I hated that, yet the minute I fell in love with Xhanti. She didn't matter, you didn't matter. I was finally me and out of the box where I had placed myself for you"
Sizwe" I  can have this conversation with you and not look for anything more, I think that's what confused Mhlaomhle for so long. We are comfortable with each other, I think he grew up thinking we would one day become a family again. So maybe that's why he has been acting up because with every man you've been with he's seen you down and out, yet when we are together he only sees you laughing. I understand his point of view"
Me" I want to make him understand that you and I will always love each other but we don't work together. I just don't know where to start having that conversation and also that Xhanti isn't you but he's just as amazing and I love him. I do, I am happy Sizwe. I am finally where I want to be in life and I love this for me because it took me a while to get here."