Running from the shadows

Where do clowns go?

Chapter 19

He's here, like literally here. My birthday was a week ago and we are back in Cape Town, he is still here. Well he went to a few meetings, and I went to work every time thinking he won't be there when I get home but baaam he is ALWAYS home.
" Are you okay?"
I asked him before putting down my laptop bag and he stared at me. I put my things on the chair then went to sit next to him on the sofa.
Xhanti" What do you mean?"
Me" You are always here"
Xhanti" Because you and Ntlanga are here, plus you hate the presidential home"
Me" I get that but babe, you are never home and now you are always home"
Xhanti" And you not happy?"
Me" I am, but I feel like I am missing something"
Xhanti" You asked me to be home, and I delegate. I just attend to what really needs me personally and there hasn't been anything"
Me" Ntlanga and I were supposed to go watch Rugby today because I thought awukho so I didn't get you a ticket"
" Should we just stay in?"
Xhanti" We can go"
Me" With your security?"
Xhanti" Sadly"
Me" Okay but I am not dressing like a First Lady because this is my son's first game and I need us to be a normal family. Your security needs to wear normal clothes to blend in and you Sir will wear a baseball cap!"
Xhanti" Is this about Ntlanga or you?"
We both laughed
Me" Just do this and I'll do things to you tonight"
Xhanti" What things?"
Me" I'll caress your scalp with my nails until you fall asleep"
Xhanti" I need to make a few calls"
I kissed him
" Do we have time?"
Me" I'll be in the shower"

#

I was ready for the game, I was in my blue denim shorts with my Bokke shirt and Yeezy 500 Taupe Light. Grabbed a baseball cap and wrapped a denim jacket around my waist. My son was in his small Bokke t shirt and his walkmates. I may wear expensive things but my children are not as privileged because it would be a waste of money.
Xhanti" Okay now you are just showing off"
Me" I told you this game is important to me and our son, I couldn't get one son to like rugby now I have been given a second chance"
He was in sweatpants, a plain white tshirt and running shoes with a denim jacket on his hand.
Xhanti" What's with you and these sneakers?"
Me" It's Yeezy, Please respect Kanye"
Xhanti" Still ugly"
We got into the car and he was driving us, Ntlanga was busy on his tablet. Xhanti was telling me about his conversation with Sizwe, it felt right. That my ex husband and my husband were civil.
Me" I am meeting Sizwe tomorrow, we might go for lunch afterwards"
Mhla is moving back to this side, that was the initial agreement. I get to study and achieve my academic goals, then he gets his turn too and I take Mhla back.
Xhanti" I'll take Ntlanga to work with me"
Me" Thought you have parliament tomorrow"
Xhanti" Nope, I have to make an appearance and a media briefing"
Me" And when we are going to Pretoria?"
Xhanti" I'll forward you everything but before Pretoria we all going on a family vacation to Mozambique. That's what I was speaking to Sizwe about, I needed to know if Mhla can join us"
Me" I love that and I am ready for a vacation"
Xhanti" Masambe beautiful"

#

The game yesterday? Fucken amazing!! They obviously spotted him because of me, I took off the cap and the camera zoomed in and that's how we were spotted. We still had fun though, I think Xhanti will get second term because after yesterday everyone was impressed at how "relatable" he is. So he is loved.
Xhanti" We are out"
Me" Bye Baby"
I kissed my son and he gave me a hug, love being a mother.
Xhanti" Where's my hug?"
Me" Nooope! Your hugs are dangerous"
Xhanti" Hahaha not cool"
Me" No baby talk until we sort that other issue Xhanti. We are good but we can't pretend like we aren't waiting for dna results from another woman"

We both stared at each other and he turned around looking at Ntlanga and said "Hamba with uncle George and wait in the car"
The bodyguard took Ntlanga, when the door was closed and it was just us two. He cleared his throat and said;
" We both wanted another child"
I rolled my eyes at the shit he just said;
Me" You cheated!!! Haybo! Do we just pretend like that didn't happen?"
Xhanti" I never pretend. We put that fight on pause because we are waiting for the results"
" I have to go, not because your feelings are not valid at this moment but because Ntlanga is in a car alone. We can continue this later or wait until tomorrow when I get the results"
Me" Go"
Xhanti" Have a good day, greet Sizwe for me"
Ah! That last part had an undertone, I ignored it because he is trying to shift blame and asoze.
Me" Will do"

They left and I went to get dressed, I was already running late. Cape Town weather annoys me, why is it winter in the middle of summer??. I wore this really cute white Biggie and Tu PAC T-shirt from Mr Price, blue ripped jeans and a black ankle sock boots. Decided on a beige coat, Sizwe called me at 10 minutes saying he was outside. We were going to an interview for Mhla's prospective school.
Sizwe" Kenny, I am actually nervous"
Me" No need, he's definitely in"
Sizwe" I don't think your husband has that much influence here"
Me" Probably not but we are both well off and our son is smart"
Sizwe" Facts. Eric was saying you two are looking into selling your father's warehouse"
Me" Well yea, just one though, we both have interests that go beyond his businesses"
My biological father was a property God, and a farm owner. In case you ever wondered how I can afford most of my things, I come from money. My mother's parents were also well off, my stepdad is good too but my inheritance from my Dad tied me over. I work and I get paid well but most of my money comes from the family businesses. Generational wealth sort of thing.
Sizwe" And do what with the money?"
Me" He wants to venture into petrol station and Xhanti has two, worked for him so Eric is sure he found the perfect location. I trust him, so yea"
Sizwe" This is huge Kenny"
I don't like discussing money and he never speaks about his naye.
Me" How's Mbali?"
Sizwe" Hahaha you care?"
Me" Yes"
Sizwe" Pregnant"
Me" Haybo!!! Sizwe! Baby number 3?"
Sizwe" The goal is 9 kids"
Me" insanity"
Sizwe" Hahaha why not? Mhla loves having siblings"
Me" I don't think anyone would be happy with 10 siblings"
Sizwe" You are pregnant?"
Me" No, but Xhanti's side chick might be"
Sizwe" I don't want to comment on that"
Me" But you have an opinion"
Sizwe" Yes, but boundaries"
Me" Thetha"
Sizwe" You divorced me because I didn't make you laugh. You hated that we barely spoke. And you left me, you dumped the guy you dated after me because he smiled a lot, and one guy because he stared at another girl during date night. None of these are real firing offenses if we are being honest but you did fire people because of these things. Xhanti?? Yeses! He's done numbers on you Kenny but you accepted all of it and I understand. It's not about the money, can't be about the privileges that come with being with him because you don't use those. So please make me understand"
Me" Explain why him?"
He nodded
" I loved you, you were it for me but we didn't feel complete. I always felt something was missing, was I happy? Yes. But there was no thrill. With Xhanti I wanted to know him from the minute I met him, I wanted to be around him all the time, he made me feel things I have never felt before. He was like an adventure, he was the first guy to do things I've read about on twitter or some Nicholas Sparks novel. Hell, a Wattpad story. I wanted more of his love, it was never simple but it was always worthy. When we are happy we are happy and when we are said I was sad. I love him and I know he loves me, you were my first in so much that I compared most of the men I dated after you to you but not Xhanti. That's how I know he is the one, he isn't you and I am okay with that Sizwe. I loved you, but him? He is the man that makes me sing along to Summer Walker and Adele when we fight, but he's also the man that listens to those songs with me and watches movies he hates but does it anyway because he loves me. It's him Sizwe, it will always be him. Maybe we divorce but I'll never love anyone else the way I love him. Does that answer your question?"
Sizwe" Yes, he will hurt you"
Me" like a lot"
We both laughed