Running from the shadows

Bumps

Chapter 17

Xhanti returned from Russia 3 days ago and I haven't seen him because he has been preparing for The State of the Nation Address (SONA). He is supposed to be here today that way we ride to the event together, my parents have the children for the entire week because I wanted to spend some with Xhanti alone without any interruptions. Plus we had a huge fight because my outfit from that day wasn't well received and my message didn't matter anymore because I was being reprimanded. I hated that but I still stood my ground, certain days I will be me and to hell with the public.
" Mrs Mali"
I looked at Xhanti's assistant and I knew she was about to tell me some bad news.
Me" Where is he?"
Palesa" He is on his way, but he needs you to be ready by the time he gets here because he is running a bit behind schedule"
Me" Okay"
Palesa" The makeup artist and hairstylist are waiting for you"
Me" Thank you"
The make up was quick because I just wanted soft glam make up, nothing over the top and my hair kept it simple too just wanted my weave in a messy bun. The ladies were confused about my look probably because this was our first SONA but this is what I wanted. I quickly went back to my room, laid out my dress then quickly put on a deodorant and lotion. I finally wore my dress; low neck Oscar de la Renta Golden Floral-Embroidered Tulle Illusion Gown (picture attached). My shoes were also just plain, I wanted the focus to be on my dress, so I went with black suede Gucci single strap heels. I loved my bold choice of gold earrings and black clutch bag, Lexie bought me this Hermes Verrou Clutch when she went to New York last year and I am finally using it. I took a mirror selfie then sent it to my mother and Hlela. Then left to wait for Xhanti downstairs.

He stood by the kitchen counter drinking water, I didn't say anything just watched him. I had a lump on my throat, I don't get how Xhanti and I got to this point.
" Hey"
He said, I nodded. He was in a black 3 piece Tom Ford suit and black dress shoes.
Xhanti" Where's everyone?"
Me" My parents have them"
Xhanti" At your place?"
Me" PE"
" I can't stay long at this, need to study"
Xhanti" Really?"
Me" Yea"
I didn't have to study, I just didn't want to stay phaya with all those old people. Photos and I am out.
Xhanti" Are you okay?"
Me" I don't feel like talking"
Xhanti" Can you stay until my speech then we spend time together after this thing"
Me" Lexie is hosting a slumber party so I'll go there"
Xhanti" Thought you had to study"
Me" I will"
" Can we go?"
Xhanti" Waiting for the car sweep to be done then we can go"
Me" Shot"
Xhanti" I wanna talk, just not now. I get it, I can't right now"
Me" I don't expect you to, I want you to understand that I can't fight with you and fight for our marriage alone. I am sleeping over at Lexie's place to avoid saying things that will just make shit worse between us"
Xhanti" I don't kn...."
We both heard footsteps and he stopped speaking, it was on of the guards, he ushered us to the car. I was on my phone and he was going through notes. It was funny reading tweets about me, they were guessing what I would wear or who is dressing me. I laughed at the tweets about the other people were wearing.
" Sir, we are here"

I stayed for the entire thing, afterwards we did a meet and greet. Some ignored me and some spoke to me. I faded into the background, posing for photos when necessary and laughing on cue. I always laughed how I am a PhD student and a mother of 2, a business woman and I have an actual job but Xhanti's presidency somehow made my achievements seem like nothing.
" Mrs Mali, the car is ready"
I got up from my chair and followed Xhanti's guards, I told him to take me to my apartment. When I got to my place I took a long shower, cried, called my babies then cracked open my books. I was at it for two hours before my phone rang and it was Hlela;
Me" Hey, are you okay?"
Hlela" Yea, how are you?"
Me" Exhausted but good, I underestimated the work load"
Hlela" Wait, you haven't seen it have you?"
Me" Intoni? I thought everyone loved my dress. What did I do now"
Hlela" Someone leaked a story about Xhanti's affair and there's pictures"
Me" Of what?"
Hlela" The girl, he went to visit her and she's pregnant"
Me" Xhanti visited a pregnant girl?"
Hlela" Pictures are not clear but yes"
Me" Ndidiniwe"
" Like I am tired"
Hlela" Come over"
Me" No, I am at my place and I have a lot of studying to do"
Hlela" Are you sure?"
Me" Xhanti will always embarrass me. It's his thing. Infidelity however I didn't see it coming, so I will cry now and sleep because I need to pretend like I stand with my husband tomorrow"
"Goodnight Hlela"

#

I didn't hear him come in yesterday but I did feel his hands on me. I got up and went to pee, then washed my hands and I made myself some tea then went to sit by the window and watch the waves.
" Church and State"
Meaning right now he is my husband, right now we put his political position aside and speak as husband and wife. He once promised me that his political life would never affect our home life.
Xhanti" Please look at me"
Me" No"
" I don't want to look at you"
Xhanti" I didn't know, when the article first came out, I didn't know and only went there to see it for myself"
" It happened once"
Me" Okay"
Xhanti" She is five months pregnant"
Me"Alright"
Xhanti" I won't lie and say it was a mistake or I didn't know what I was doing. I knew what I was doing and I am sorry"
" Please look at me"
Me" Get out of my house"
Xhanti" Khensani just listen to me"
Me" Which part of the lie are you going to try and sell to me?"
" Because five months ago you were in here and I was in hospital alone with Ntlanga because of his asthma. Five months ago Xhanti was angry with me because Mhla was having a hard time at school because of your presidency. Because you and I are going on 4 months without sex or let alone a little bit of intimacy. So you want me to look at you then what? You want to see me cry? Doesn't that bother you Xhanti? That you give me a little happiness and when I accept it, you snatch it away from me? Does my pain amuse you? Is that it??. What is it about me that's not enough for you that you went to get someone else pregnant! Was it because of the breastfeeding? That's for you son, did I stop being sexy? Impossible because I gym each and every fucken day!. I take care of myself. So what is it that she is did that would make her worthy of the presidential dick!"
I turned around and looked at him with tears in my eyes.
Me" Noba you assured them that I will forgive you because you know how little I think of myself right?"
Xhanti" Can I explain?"
Me" What could you possibly say to make this better"
Xhanti" I am still waiting for dna results, that baby might not be mine"
I scoffed
Me" Or might be yours"
" Is that why you don't fuck me anymore?"
Xhanti" No! It's never just the two of us and when it is, you are sleeping or I am just too exhausted"
" I still finding you attractive"
Me" Geez thanks!"
Xhanti" You texted me saying that you feel like you are drowning in this marriage"
Me" You are never here!!!! How are you not understanding this! You are not you anymore!! You are standing there right now telling me that you cheated on me! You cheated Xhanti! I was taking care of your son, and everything else and you cheated on me. I have sacrificed so much! I wore shorts! Fucken shorts and I had to apologize. I do all these things, attend events that I don't even care about. I am your wife before anything else and you know I hate it, yet I do these things because I love you!! So why was it easy for you to do that to me?"
" Why do you hate me so much? What is it that she has that I don't and I am willing to bet she isn't the first woman you fucked since being with me"
Xhanti" Can y....."
Me" No!!! I can't!!!! I am tired!!!!! I can't do shit for you anymore!!! I can't continue to give and all you do is take!!!!"
" I am exhausted Xhanti. Even if that baby isn't yours. I am starting of my birthday arguing with you about your cheating"
He looked surprised and I laughed because he didn't even know that today is my birthday.
Me" Hahaha yep, I can feel your love"