Running from the shadows

Chapter 21

2 YEARS LATER

"Dr Khensani Rhulani"
I got up and walked on the stage while everyone was still applauding and I waved then offered a smile to the audience.
Host" First of all, I love what you are wearing right now"
It was winter so I was wearing all white, I was in white pants and a turtleneck with a white coat. I was in all Dior with Dolce and Gabbana sandals. I had braids and they were in a bun.
Me" Thank you so much"
I was nervous, so much had happened and I was nervous.!
Host" It has been an interesting year, we watched it all unfold. How did you deal with it as a family?"
I cleared my throat trying to not get emotional. A year ago Rhulani and Son (my father's cooperation) was investigated for tax invasion. They froze all our assets, Eric and I had to hand over all documents to things that link to that cooperation. We were also accused of receiving tenders illegally because I was married to Xhanti. To make shit worse all my friends were investigating because I was an investor in the business we shared together. The thing dragged on for almost eight months, my friends came up clean but Eric and I were still waiting. Xhanti couldn't intervene, it felt like a personal attack and God! Did it take a tall on our marriage. Rhulani cooperation employs over a thousand people and we could no longer afford to pay them from our own pockets. Eric and I borrowed money from friends, our service stations kept us afloat only because they were in Mhla and Gundo (his daughter)'s trust. So it had nothing to do with Rhulani cooperations. The investigation? Came back short because we have never done shit illegally, our tender bids have always been by the book and Rhulani and Son was created by my father with money from his family fam. We wanted to sue the state, Xhanti was against it but we had to because we lost a lot of business for months. So Xhanti's re-election looked like it was not happening when the state awarded us quite a lot of money.
Me" Our marriage is just like any other. I promise you"
Host" Hahaha not everyone is married to a president"
" Why are you still using your maiden name?"
Me" I am not, I am Dr Rhulani because my husband felt like I worked alone for this and it should have my surname and not his"
" We have an understanding"
Host" Funny you should mention that, how true are the allegations that your marriage was of convenience to help him win"
Me" News to me"
Host" Would you like to comment on it?"
Me" Not really no"
Host" You sound angry"
Me" I might be"
" My marriage has been made a public spectacle for everyone's enjoyment. Xhanti and I sat back, not once did we say anything. Then our children are terrorized by the media to comment if their parents still share a bed. We didn't sign up for any of this and they sure didn't, so yes I am angry"
Host" I don't think the goal is to terrorize them but to get some answers"
Me" From a 5 year old and an 12 year old? Really? How would you feel if those were your children"
Host" My children's father isn't the president of the nation"
Me" Wow. I am done"
Host" You cannot squander state...."
Fine I was about to do everything Xhanti and his publicist warned me not to do but fuck it.
Me" First of all Xhanti and I have never discussed money but I am quite sure, I am worth waaaaay more than he is. I don't need anything from the state, I have worked for everything thing I have and he has done the same, everything we have was investigated and we came out clean. That investigation almost cost so many people their jobs, do your research. You will not spread shit about my family and think we will be okay with it. Yes, he is the president but for fuck sakes those are children! You will not terrorize my children and think I will sit back and watch. I'll burn this world down before I let anyone ruin my children's childhood and deprive them of a normal life. Yes. It's a threat"

*

" Twitter is going crazy"
Hlela said as soon as she walked in my place with a bottle of wine. I grabbed the bottle from her and walked to the kitchen where Lexie was already eating the cheese board.
Lexie" She is avoiding Xhanti's calls"
Hlela" He is probably pissed"
Me" He is definitely pissed. Can we at least get drunk before he gets here?"
Lexie" That I can do"
Hlela" If it's any consolation; I will vote for him again"
Lexie" Me too"

*

Mhla" Are you okay?"
Me" A little tipsy but definitely okay"
Mhla" Can I lay next to you?"
Me" Yes baby"
He put his head on my chest
Mhla" I want to move back to PE"
Me" I know"
" I have to let you go but you are mine and I am ruining your life"
Mhla" I know it's not your fault"
Me" I want to cry"
" I am overwhelmed"
Mhla" Take a break"
Me" No, I am the parent not you. I will sort it all out. You have to finish the rest of the here then Sizwe and I will find you a school that side"
Mhla" What about Ntlanga?"
" Can't he also come with me?"
Me" It doesn't work like that ndoda, Ntlanga's Daddy is not your Dad. So it wouldn't be right to ask your Dad to look after him too"
Mhla" I miss our old life"
Me" Me too"
" I am happier though, I know it doesn't seem like it but I am really happy with him. Found the love I have always wanted but it comes with so many complications"
Mhla" Want me to call him?"
Me" No, it's fine. I need to be alone"
Mhla" We can go to aunt Hlela for the night"
Me" Please. I hate it when you see me like this"

The minute they left with Hlela, I cried so hard because I probably just ruined Xhanti's chances of a second term. After I convinced him to run for president again because he wanted to quit, I hated that Ntlanga was not having a normal childhood and mostly I hated how I was about to lose Mhlaomhle to Sizwe and his wife.
" Sunny"
I wiped my tears and looked at him, he just held me so tight and I sobbed even more. I told him about my conversation with Mhla, I couldn't stop the tears. I felt like I was drowning and I couldn't get out from the tide. He helped me walk to the room, he took off my clothes and put me in the shower, I was so numb. I wasn't crying anymore but I felt this heavy thing in my heart. Like everything that I once pretended didn't bother just came back to me. He helped me put on my pj's and then tucked me in.
" I am so sorry"
Was all he said before he switched off the lights. I guess we have been running so long from the shadows and they finally caught up.

*

I opened my eyes and my mother was looking outside the window, for a second I thought I was in my old room in PE. I closed my eyes again and opened them, yes I was in my old room.
Mama" Uvukile"
Me" When did I get here?"
Mama" Izolo"
"Xhanti didn't know what to do"
Me" I am tired"
Mama" He says you've been stuck in bed the entire week. So I told you him to drug you and bring you here"
Me" Where is he?"
Mama" He went to sleep, he hasn't slept for a week looking after you and the children"
Me" I want to sleep"
Mama" No, you need to get up"
Me" I am tired Mama"
Mama" From what Khensani?"
Me" I don't feel like talking"
Mama" Well, I will talk and you will listen. Take a bath and Masambe"
Me" Ndiyaphi?"
Mama" No idea, but siyahamba"
"You have 10 minutes to get ready"
She pulled the blankets and took them with her before she left. I looked around for my phone, I grabbed it and played Olivia Rodrigo's Hope ur ok. I took a shower then I looked for something to wear, I really had dresses here and no jeans. I hate that for myself. I wore a white sundress and sandals. My mother really didn't trust me because she was really back within 10 minutes. We got in her car and she drove us to our old house, I stared at her because this was weird even for her.
Mama" Do you remember this house?"
Me" Yea"
Mama" I mean do you remember how I was when we lived here?"
Me" Nope, I was four so don't remember much"
Mama" Well your father bought me this house, it was our house. He would visit us for the weekend, sometimes with Eric and I would be so happy but then he would leave and go back to his wife. I would be shuttered because you and I were his secret family, yes everyone knew about you but not about me. I hated it when you went there for holidays because it felt like he loved you more than me. Yhu! Hated that, then one day he came here with Eric and I threw him out. I didn't plan on doing it but I did, I was tired. I mostly hated that I was angry at you for being loved by your father, so I was angry with myself and him for everything. I soon after met my husband and he restored me. You think Mhla and Ntlanga will be broken as adults? That they will need therapy because you are such a bad parent?. Baby there's no Manuel to motherhood, we do whatever and we hope that we are doing it right. You are proof of that, you saw me at my worst so many times yet you don't remember that because the good will outweigh the bad Khensani. This right here doesn't define you as what sort of parent your children will see you as, that's not your story to write. It's theirs. And Xhanti? He loves you, we were all wrong about him. And you stood there next to him because you knew he was what you wanted and we saw in him what you've been telling us is there"
" So cry, but don't you ever give up. Hard times don't define you, it's what you do during the darkness that matters"