Running from the shadows

Shadey Mommy

Chapter 7

I have never been popular, I pride myself in being a wallflower. I am that friend that takes pictures of everyone and edits them, then take pictures of my own when they are done. I am the background friend, I definitely know I am beautiful but my beauty has never been something that defines me or my fashion sense. They were always an extension of who I am, I expressed myself through my fashion and now I am being judged by strangers about the way I dress. And they keep discussing how I am wearing name brands with the states money, I promise you! I have literally never taken a single cent from Xhanti, he books my flights and that's it. I mean the day we met I was wearing Manolo Blahnik shoes and my Instagram history is proof that I have always had my own money. Why the fuck am I even explaining myself?????

A Day Later

So I went about my life, went to visit Hlela and Langa, I love their house, I am obsessed with the entire place and I would buy it from them giving the chance. Obviously after selling my kidney.
Langa" Want tea?"
Hlela" Or wine?"
Me" Tea, I have consumed waaaaay too much alcohol during this pregnancy"
Hlela" You didn't use a condom with him the first time? You are brave"
Me" Don't judge"
Langa" It's hard"
" lala apha, I will start the fire and we can have a braai"
Me" Hahaha Mhla misses this house more than anything. Definitely sleeping over"
He excused himself, I went to sit next to Hlela.
Me" Are you two okay now?"
Hlela" I don't know, we are talking and going on dates, he's here most of the time. But I don't trust him"
Me" At least he's trying"
Hlela" Yea well, whatever"
Me" Isn't your surrogate due in March?"
They decided on that route because she had serious complications during the first pregnancy and the baby didn't even make it.
Hlela" Yea, nursery isn't even ready because we both have the same fears"
Me" I love you guys"
Hlela" We love you"

#

Sizwe" Dude, uphi?"
Me" In bed, hiding from the world"
Sizwe" Its been a week Kenny, people forgot"
Me" But I didn't"
Sizwe" We'll your son starts school tomorrow, he needs you here"
Me" I know, my flight is at 8pm"
Sizwe" Have you told him?"
Me" No"
" I will but I am still trying to process it"
Sizwe" Okay"
Me" I have to go, I have a lot of work to do"
Sizwe" Shap"
Me" Bye"

#

I love being at home, I however don't see myself leaving in PE. I fell in love with Cape Town and never looked back. My Dad fetched me from the airport, we were both quiet, when we got to the house Lunje was there and so was my mother.
Mama" Are you pregnant ?"
I rolled my eyes and gave her a hug.
Me" Molo nawe"
Mama" You didn't answer my question"
Me" I am ignoring it on purpose"
I hugged my little brother and asked him about varsity, he told me that he was defending me on twitter and so were a lot of people.
Dad" Udibana phi no Xhanti Mali?"
Me" God!"
" I wasn't even offered a beverage apha"
Mama" Khathethe!"
Me" I met him kwi Party ka Bonke and Nafuti"
Mama" Nafuti ngomphi? Lo wase Zimbabwe?"
Me" She's from Kenya and I don't get how that's even relevant to my story"
Mama" Hay sundiqhela"
Me" Really? Can I finish this story then ndiyolala?"
" I met Xhanti there, I didn't know who he was until the morning he was being unannounced as the party leader. He didn't tell me because he wanted a normal relationship and I honestly didn't care became I didn't even know what he was on about. Until Lexie's party, last week, I heard ngabo that people were dragging me on twitter"
Dad" Where is he?"
Me" In Mpumalanga"
"I asked for space, I need to think about Mhla"
Mama" And the new baby uzothini yena?"
Me" Sizwe told you?"
Mama" I have worked kwi maternity ward for more than 20 years, I know a pregnant woman"
Dad" Nonzame"
Mama" Yima Xolile, ooKhensani are doing things without considering the consequences. Because I know uXhanti you just knew him, but umithele. You told Sizwe about your pregnancy before you told Tata womntana"
" Sizwe is married and has a new born baby. You two divorced because you said the love is gone yet you both don't respect your partners. Sizwe left his wife to go comfort you ngapha! You cannot keep on doing this Kenny, umdala ngoku. And Sizwe is married mtanam, you need to let go. Because nalo Xhanti doesn't have all of you, kaloku wena no Sizwe are holding on kodwa naphelayo. Khula sana lwam, una 30 and you are about to be a mother kumntana that's not Sizwe's and I don't think you understand that. I don't think you both understand what you are doing"
Me" I don't love Sizwe, and we were friends before everything else. You want me to act like he wasn't a huge part of my life?"
Mama" Khensani!"
Me" And this is why I stay at a hotel whenever I am here because I can never do anything right kuwe"
Mama" I would be a hypocrite if I judge you, your father was married when I met him and had you. That's why I fight as hard as I do for you because wena, ungowam. So I refuse to watch you ruin your life"
Me" *sigh* I am not you. Sizwe is not my Dad. You need to stop rewriting your mistakes through me. It's exhausting, I am exhausted. And this baby isn't Sizwe's child! I will tell Xhanti when I am ready! I will fix my life when I am ready! I will make mistakes because it's human Mama!! And I will learn from them when the time comes"
" Can I go to bed now?"

#

Sizwe and I dropped Mhla off, then we decided to go out for breakfast. After breakfast we went to walked around killing time before I had to go home and he had to go back to work.
Sizwe" Wena did you tell your mother you miss me?"
Me" No! Why would I miss you?"
" She is reaching"
Sizwe" My mother thinks you and I are going to get back together"
Me" My mother too"
Sizwe" I don't want you like that anymore"
"You and I ended, not because we didn't love each other but because we were tired of each other. Right?"
Me" Right"
Sizwe" We have a great friendship and we coparent well"
"I sometimes think lines will get blurred, and I will forget that you are no longer mine to protect. I don't love you romantically, I love my wife but I don't care what anyone else says; if you need me. Call me because I will move heaven and earth for you"
Me" And my children, I hope you know I would do the same for you"
" I have to go, Nonzame will kill me for taking a walk with you"
We hugged
Sizwe" Call him"
Me" Yea, I will"

#

I finally told Xhanti that I am pregnant and I want to keep the baby, he was in a meeting when I texted and he just replied; "I'll speak to you later"