Running from the shadows

A few bad decisions

Chapter 10

Two truths and a lie. Which one is the lie and what is the truth?.

Me" I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me because I feel like I am the idiot here"
"Everyone seems to have an opinion and I don't know how to silence the noise"
Xhanti" I just asked you to marry me"
Me" Why?"
"Why me? Why so quickly?"
Xhanti" What?"
"I don't understand"
Me" Take me back to the hotel so we can speak properly and my answer for your question relies upon your honesty with me"
He gave me the car keys then packed up everything else. I wore the ring because people were starting to stare.
Xhanti" That was embarrassing"
Me" You'll live"

We got to the hotel and I closed the door after him then looked straight at him.
Me" Let's play a game"
"Two truths and a lie"
Xhanti" What's wrong with you?"
Me" Apparently you are what's wrong with me. So humor me"
Xhanti" And if I don't"
Me" Then you don't! This is a democracy after all. Before we play my game; how do you know Bonke?"
Xhanti" Whose Bonke?"
Me" Nafuti's husband, that's where I met you. He said you helped him with something"
Xhanti" He was biding for a tender to renovate Genadendal Residence, that's where the president stays in Cape Town. It's like the White House and I introduced him to some friends. He got the tender and he asked me to attend the luncheon so he can thank me properly"
Me" I call bullshit"
" What did you ask for in return Xhanti?"
Xhanti" I just told you"
Me" I will guess; you asked Bonke to introduce you to Nana's friends. Women who would look good next to you without the public frowning upon them"
"Or he promised you me because I am the most gullible person in her friend group in exchange for the tender and you give Nafuti the exclusive story once you get everything sorted"
Xhanti" Khen....."
I interrupted him;
"Shhhhhh.... We are playing now"
I said;
" You don't love me, I just fitted the criteria for what you needed to win the public over."
"You are in love with me, even though it wasn't part of your plan"
" The only reason why you never used a condom with me the first time we fucked is because your intentions were for me to get pregnant and have a baby before your elections. That way everything they once thought you don't have would turn out to be untrue and that why you didn't want me to google you and to keep our relationship private"
"So am I warm Xhanti??  Is that all I am to you? Some PR strategy for you to be president??!"
We looked at each other, him not saying a word and me just having tears come down my face because it turned out everyone was right and I was just the idiot who believed in love.
Xhanti" You benefit"
I closed my eyes, then got up and ran to the bathroom because I needed to throw up. I was sick to the pit of my stomach.
" For you it has always been easy and the living is easy. Your Dad is rich, your mom is the epitome of black excellence and you Khensani were handed everything on a silver platter. You got money in your blood. I have worked for every single thing I have ever received. I have fought and scraped and bled for every inch of ground I walk on. I was the first in my family to go to university and do something with my fucken life! I worked my ass off and even then, I am still not good enough for society because people like me need to work twice as hard while you have Daddy's credit card and mommy's connections  to get you by in life!"
Me" I worked for everything that I have! Nothing was handed to me!"
Xhanti" Yes, you worked so hard for your UCT education and your off campus residence while driving a BMW not a single worry about anything because your parents have you covered. Oh! Khensani I can just imagine how fees must fall must have been such an inconvenience to you and your rich white counterparts. Probably sitting at Azure sipping cocktails and discussing how the poor students and their striking has inconvenience you!. Yes Khensani you worked so hard!"
" Did I use you? Yes, I choose you in a room full of other women who had more sense to know who I am. You on the other hand never gave a shit about who ran the county because let's face it, whichever way the economy swing, your trust fund will always be waiting for you. So yes I went for you. And surprisingly enough you were not as dumb and shallow as you look or present yourself. There was actually more to you than the way you actually portray yourself"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, my mind kept on replaying a montage of our relationship and it felt like I had imagined everything.
Me" Oh....my....God!"
Xhanti" Two truths and a lie? You were desperate for love and you would open your legs for anyone who would call you beautiful. You loved the idea of dating someone with a Polo vivo because it meant for once you were dating beneath you and maybe poor men would be better than your usual rich assholes that you go for. Even though you hate me right now, you'll stay with me because you fear what will be said about you if you have a child out of wedlock or just the fear of being a disappointment to your mother is enough reason for you to stay with someone you hate. Because Khensani is the perfect daughter"
"So, I'll ask you again; will you marry me?"

#

TWO MONTHS LATER

I have always wanted to go to Thailand and when I called Hlela crying without having to explain what just transpired, she decided that we all need a girls trip to Thailand and throughout the trip no one asked me what's wrong. We just had the time of our lives and then packed up our shit after Bali then went to Brazil because Lexie couldn't shut up about how amazing Rio is during this time of the year. So we went there and that was just as awesome, the beaches were to die for and my pregnancy was the only thing standing between me and dancing my life away. We stayed in Rio for a week before packing up and going to Paris because why not?. After an 11 hour flight we were all ready to check in a hotel and sleep. I however needed to find a doctor because my compression socks were not doing a good job, after my doctors visit, I went back to the hotel to call Sizwe and Mhla. At least the time difference was just an hour, so my son and I spoke about everything that happened in school. He missed me and I missed him a lot too but wasn't ready to go back just as yet. I fitted in my work before passing out on the bed.

Paris? A bliss, we shopped like we had absolutely no sense. I needed this was all I told myself every time I swiped for things. Hlela organized us tickets for The Palais Galliera a fashion museum. We had so much fun and when the time came for us to go home, I decided to tell Hlela and Lexie everything that transpired between Xhanti and I. After that we bounded and returned to South Africa.

#

They went back to Cape Town and I went back to Johannesburg. I had a driver waiting for me, I greeted and he helped me with my bags, I left South Africa with 2 bags and I return with 5. Yea I am broke now. The driver didn't speak to me and I didn't mind the silence, I arrived at Xhanti's place and went straight to the guest room as per agreement. I unpacked my shit, I haven't seen his ass since our game and we didn't speak these last two months until yesterday before I boarded sent him a photo of my flight details and I guess he understood what that meant. I called my boss and we spoke about my projects. Thank Jesus he was still happy with me and my ideas. I promised to be in Cape Town next week and that was it.

There was a knock on the door and he walked in looking tired, he stood at the door and just stared at me;
" Hey"
He said and I nodded
"How's the baby?"
He asked and I rolled my eyes then said;
"Great!"
Xhanti" I am on my way out again but I just wanted to tell you that we made arrangements for lobola negotiations and there's food in the fridge, I asked Mam'Joyce to cook for you"
Me" Okay"
Xhanti" Tomorrow I have to visit children's hospital and my publicist thinks I should go with you"
Me" Fuck off"
Xhanti" I'll send a car"
Me" Shove it down your throat"
Xhanti" Okay, goodnight Khensani"
Me" Just close the fucken door"