Running from the shadows

Crossroads

Chapter 12

I love Cape Town and I love being back at my place, Xhanti and I were here for Hlela's baby shower.
Me" Mhla, Sizwe and Mbali, and Liyema his daughter are coming. We are all having supper tonight, you will meet Mhla for the first, please don't use my son like a chess piece"
" Mbali is Sizwe's wife, we all coparent and Sizwe is okay with you meeting Mhla"
I think he felt guilty. The entire conversation seemed to make him uncomfortable.
Xhanti" What should I wear?"
Me" I have no idea, smart casual I guess because with Hlela anything can happen"
I left him and went to take a shower, I also didn't know what to wear because my maternity clothes were just flattering enough and I often feel frumpy in them. I decided on wearing a tight short grey dress with black knee high boots and a beige coat because it was fucken cold. I didn't bother with make up, just foundation and wore a wig. I packed my uggs then went to wait for Xhanti, he had to run an errand.

"I am sorry, Masambe"
He looked cute, it's hard to hate this man. He was wearing blue jeans, a turtleneck and a black kway jacket and Adidas Stan Smith.
Me" It's cool"
Xhanti" I bought you some crushed ice and water, left it in the car"
Me" Thank you"
Xhanti" I have to go back to Pretoria tomorrow"
We were now in the car and I wasn't surprised that he'd flake on me.
Me" Okay but I am staying here, I told you I will be this side until I give birth"
Xhanti" I know, I will come back"
Me" To PE?"
Xhanti" You want to give birth in PE?"
Me" No but if you won't be around for that, I'd rather give birth that side so my parents can look after me"
Xhanti" I know you don't owe me anything but I want to be with you when you give birth. I want to be around you every step of the way, you and I have our problems"
Me" I hate you"
Xhanti" I know but we both love her"
Me" Hopefully you are a better parent than you are a human being because you are a shitty human being"

#

The first people we saw were Lexie and Hans her husband, they were laughing at something with Sizwe and Mbali.
Me" I haven't see you in forever"
I said to Hans and gave him a hug;
"Well you were all in Asia and Europe without us, you probably forgot we exist"
Me" Hahaha I will be honest, we didn't want to come back but we ran out of money"
Sizwe" Hahaha shameless!"
Me" Hey you"
I gave him a hug, I promise you Sizwe's wife is 10 years old! Because why the fuck is she rolling her eyes for. Did she expect us to invite her to our vacation?.
" Hey Mbali"
She nodded then put her hand in Sizwe's pocket. Lexie giggled and I turned to Xhanti;
Me" This is Xhanti, my fiancé and the big guy over there is our bodyguard. Yes because you people are beneath us and we need protection from you"
Sizwe" Hahahaha really Kenny? I will not comment"
Me" Shut it! Shut it!"
We both giggled because of the British accent, at our school we used to mock the foreign exchange students.
Sizwe" Hahaha I hate you"
Lexie" They do this, we usually just ignore them and carry on with our lives"
Me" Where's my son?"
Sizwe" With Hlela, you know Mhla thinks he is Hlela's first born"
Xhanti" Will you excuse me? Just for a second"
Me" Uyaphi?"
Xhanti" Need the bathroom"
Me" I'll show you"
"Guys we will be right back"

We walked to the guest room and I opened the door, then pointed at the bathroom.
"I didn't need a toilet, just wanted to get away from that"
He said looking sick and I was a bit confused by what he meant.
Me" From what?"
Xhanti" You proved your point! However flirting with your ex husband while his wife and I stood there is a new low even for you!"
Me" I didn't flirt with Sizwe! I don't even care for infant of a wife because she never liked me. Just like you she thinks I am a bimbo! So you two could have bonded about how little you think of me"
Xhanti" Do you love him?"
Me" Why do you care?!"
Xhanti" Just answer me! For once just answer me "
Me" I don't have any romantic feelings for Sizwe! He is a friend and the father of my child"
Xhanti" I think I should go"
Me" I honestly didn't expect you to stay, I don't matter to you and that's okay. So you can fuck off!"
I hate how I cry! I hate how he always sees me at my worst.
Xhanti" Khensani"
Me" Khandiyeke! God! You have humiliated me enough. Let me just get through this party with the little dignity that I have"
" Just go away please"
Xhanti" No, because whatever you believe or think you know I hope you know that I love you. However twisted it may sound and seeing you like this right now hurts me"
Me" But nguwe! You do this to me. So how do you want me to believe that you love me when you constantly hurt me, belittled me and treat me like shit?"
" I don't want that sort of love Xhanti. I deserve better than that and so do you"

Xhanti" Here? You are picking this fight here?"
Me" Omg!!!!!!! Are you listening to yourself! We hate each other"
Xhanti" I don't hate you Khensani. We had a fucked up start and I am responsible for that, granted we also admit that you also dated me because you thought I was beneath you"
Me" I have never not once thought that about you! Those are your projections and insecurities. I actually liked you from the day we met but all you did was try and manipulate me. I didn't deserve that. I love you! And I want to hate you so much but you said the shittiest things about me Xhanti! You called me a brat and I didn't deserve any of that. Here you are right now acting like getting me pregnant wasn't a strategy of some sort. From Day one I had good intentions and you were playing a game. So fuck I don't know ufuna ndithini, just go please. Go"
Xhanti" Okay"
He looked at me and walked to the door, then opened it shutting it closed. And that was it, I just sat there and sobbed because not once did he even try to change my mind or apologize. My son is here and I haven't seen him in months and I am crying because of a man who doesn't even respect me.

There was a knock on the door and I just kept quiet because I didn't want anyone to see me like this and sure as hell wasn't going to risk anyone sharing my mystery with the entire internet because that's what my life has turned into.
"Hello"
I looked at his stupid face and wiped my tears.
" What's the appropriate way to leave this party without coming across as rude?"
I giggled because that's what he said to me the night we met. He handed me a cup of ice then sat next to me, I thanked him and then ate the ice. Cannot wait to give birth because this baby has been in here for waaaaaaaay too long.
Xhanti" I don't know what comes next, but I want us to start over again. I know that won't happen overnight and I understand, I am willing to move at whatever pace you want. I just want to be with you"
Me" Xhanti this is fucked up"
Xhanti" I am sorry for everything, I realize I never apologized for the pain I have caused you. I love you, maybe you don't believe that but I will spend everyday trying to convince you that I am genuine"
Me" I want to see my son"
Xhanti" Okay, I'll get him and I'll leave"
Me" Uyaphi?"
Xhanti" I think I should go back to Joburg, and I'll just wait for your call whenever you decide to let me in again"
Me" Okay"