Running from the shadows

Mental health

Chapter 14

" I want to trust you again Xhanti. Big gestures are good and all but trust, if we don't have that then this is all useless"
His hand moved to my lap then he squeezed it.
Xhanti" And I will get that back"
Me" Can we go inside? Because I am starving"
He smiled at me, he opened my door and did all these small things that made me realize he was trying.
Xhanti" I want to upload your photo on my Instagram"
" Is that fine?"
Me" Yea"
" I will cry right now, it's not you, this baby makes me emotional"
Xhanti" What do you need me to do?"
Me" Hug me"
" I just need to feel safe"
Xhanti" I have your back Sunny, I love you and our family"
Me" I love you too"

#

Elections are in full swing and voting stations are packed with people. Xhanti? A nervous wreck and has been overthinking everything. I was pregnant like ready to pop at any minute.
" Where are you?"
I asked Lexie
Lexie" Voting station, it's so packed and I thought it would be empty"
Me" Vote right and vote Xhanti"
We both laughed
Lexie" That's illegal. Also not why I called, are you moving permanently to Jo'burg?"
Me" If Xhanti wins then we will be based here no doubt, we haven't really discussed anything"
" It's the last thing on my mind honestly"
Lexie" Stressing because the boutique opening keeps on getting pushed and we will money"
Me" I know Lex but the renovations took way longer than what we all thought"
Lexie" Yes but we coughing up money more than we are making it. You never did the website and I sent you everything you needed to get it up and running. I feel like we wanted this and now no one is showing up to make it possible"
We decided while in Bali that we would open a boutique and sell secondhand designer pieces.  Amongst the 3 of us there's a boat load of things we never even worn so that's how the idea came about.
Me" It's done, I just need to upload everything"
" Are you okay?"
Lexie" Yea"
Me" You would tell me if anything was wrong right?"
Lexie" I promise you, I will be fine. I just need this to work"
Me" Wanna come this side? You'll be the first to see the baby"
Lexie" I'll keep that in mind"
Me" I don't wanna end this call because I know you are not okay. And you are not talking to me"
Lexie" My share in everything is for Ursula"
Me" I did email you the contract and Hlela said she will process the paperwork"
"Is Ursula with you right now?"
Lexie" She is still with my parents, actually visiting her for the weekend"
Me" I miss her, and I'm sure Mhla would jump at the chance to see both of you while you are that side"
Lexie" I think Ursula would kill me if I don't take her to see Mhla. I'll organize a play date with Sizwe"
Me" Friend are you okay?"
Lexie" Yea, I promise you"
" I have to go, please sort everything out. My things are already at the warehouse and you guys can do the pricing for everything when you are back in Cape Town"
Me" I love you!"
Lexie" I love you too, I am grateful to have you as a friend"
Me" Should I call Hans or Hlela?"
Lexie" I am fine, promise you. I am just overwhelmed by a lot of shit but I am fine. I'll call you later"
Me" Okay"
She ended the call and I texted Hlela;
" Hey, Lexie isn't okay. I don't Know what happened but just check on her"

#

I woke up and Xhanti's hands were wrapped around me. He kissed my shoulder and pulled me closer;
" How are you?"
I asked and he sighed;
Xhanti" Good spirits, I don't know but I am okay. How are you?"
Me" Okay, worked on our business and finally launched the website"
Xhanti" Maternity leave"
Me" Side hustle things"
Xhanti" What are you doing?"
Me" We decided to resell our designer things. Like all the shoes I bought in Paris I doubt I'll ever wear and also I bought the wrong shoe sizes. So yea, we busy with that"
Xhanti" I have to go again but I wanted to see if you were okay"
Me" Just worried about Lexie"
Xhanti" What's wrong with her?"
Me" I don't know, maybe I am dramatic but the last time she went back to PE to visit her daughter she tried to commit suicide. And I get the feeling she is in that dark place again, and I am here"
Xhanti" Wait, Lexie is your White friend right?"
Me" Yea, you met her at Hlela's party"
Xhanti" I thought she wealthy"
Me" And?"
Xhanti" Why would she commit suicide?"
Me" Wait you are saying that rich people shouldn't commit suicide or be depressed?"
Xhanti" No but I am just saying she looked fine that day. So I cannot imagine her as a depressed and suicidal person"
Me" She is, she lost custody of her daughter. Her ex only allows her to visit when he wants to, and the visitations are supervised. Then Hlela had a baby and now I am about to have a child, she can't even get pregnant because yena no Hans have been trying for years. So yea, wealthy people also go through shit and her husband doesn't wanna try surrogacy"
" I am sure this is a tough time for her, so I am worried"
Xhanti" Call her husband. FaceTime her or Hlela. Just don't carry that burden alone because you are due any minute now. So I don't think you should be worrying about this alone"
Me" Go, I am fine"
Xhanti" No, I'll stay with you. Your friend is not okay and that's clearly bothering you. So I'll stay until I know you are sorted"
I grabbed my phone and called Hlela, lucky for me she picked up.
Me" Hey, did you find her?"
Hlela" Yea, she's sleeping"
Me" What happened?"
Hlela" She isn't talking but ulele. Hans is also on the way"
Me" I'll stay on the phone if you don't mind"
Hlela" You know Xhanti is leading so far? Brace yourself for that and we will handle this"
Me" Keep me posted"
Hlela" Lexie is sick, she is depressed and there's nothing any of us can do about it unless she wants us to do it. She takes her medication and the stigma surrounding mental illness will always be a burden we carry. She has her lows and her highs, today is a low for her and that's okay, she deserves to be sad and let it all out. We just need to wait until she is ready again and has fought whatever battle she needs to fight. She is sick and that's okay. You worry about your side and let us handle this one. I promise to update you"
Me" You guys call me when she wakes up"
Hlela" I will"

Depression and suicide helpline: 0800 567 567