The Embers of Hope

Chapter 18

"I want to get better!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, tears rolling down my cheeks. I waved the IV pole at anyone who approached me, including Inus. My skin ripped as a result of the needle in my hand. When the IV pole fell to the floor, I quickly removed some tape from my hand and tossed the needle on the floor as well. "Remove this tumor in my head right now! Operahan niyo na ako, please lang!"

"Inaasikaso na po iyon ng doktor na naka-assign sa 'yo. Kumalma lang po kayo, Ma'am. Mas makakasama po ito sa kondisyon mo," mahinahon namang sabi ng isang nars sa akin. "May tumawag na ba sa mga magulang niya?"

"I already informed them." Boses iyon ni Inus.

Nagsalita pa 'yong nars pero hindi ko na narinig pa dahil napasigaw na naman ako sa sakit nang wala sa oras. I curled up to one side with my body trembling. Hindi ko magawang maipaliwanag sa kanila kung anong klase ang sakit na bumabalot sa buong katawan ko ngayon, hindi lang sa ulo, at gaano ito kasakit. Pakiramdam ko unti-unti akong tinatakasan ng kaluluwa ko.

"Huwag kayong lalapit!" I continued to scream.

Mariin akong napapikit at napasabunot sa buhok ko. I even slapped my head a few times. Hindi ko na rin mabilang kung gaano na ako katagal sumisigaw, maibsan lang ang sakit. Hindi ko rin mapigilan ang sarili ko sa pagluha. I really looked like a crazy patient right now.

"Lu, please stop!"

Napatingin ako kay Inus at napailing. "Please!" The veins in my neck stiffened. Kanina pa napupuwersa ang boses ko simula nang magising ako sa sakit. "Carve it out from me! I... I couldn't take it anymore!" Lalo lang akong naiyak.

"We're here to help you po, Ma'am. So, please let us if you really want to get better."

Unti-unti akong natauhan sa sinabi ng nars. Pakiramdam ko bigla ring humupa ang sakit pero nang sinubukan ulit nilang lumapit ay mas lumala ang sakit. I screamed once again. Ilang beses ko ring nasaktan ang sarili ko bago nila ako tuluyang nahawakan.

"No... no... no..." I protested, but they managed to inject something into my arm. Moments later ay naramdaman ko na unti-unti na itong umeepekto pero may naiiwan pa ring sakit sa ulo ko.

I tried to scream once again but I feel like only air came out from my mouth. Umagos ang luha ko. I pushed myself even harder, and I can feel my veins in my neck are bulging. Nang mapagod ay lumapit sa akin si Inus at marahan akong yinakap. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang umiyak na naman sa kanya.

"I want to get better," I whispered hoarsely. Napapikit ako't napalunok. "I don't want... to die yet."

"I know. I know. So, please stop hurting yourself. This is a torture for me."

I cried a few more times before the medicine kicked in. Before letting go of the hug, Inus tightened his grip on my hand. He even kissed my forehead as his tears dripped down my cheeks.

"You will come back to me, Lu." Nakita ko ang malungkot niyang ngiti bago ko pa man tuluyang maisara ang talukap ng mga mata ko.

It was the scariest moment of my life, thinking that I might not be able to wake up and that I would never see him again. But... why do I feel like I've only been asleep for a minute? Kakapikit ko lang ng mga mata ko kanina pero nagising na agad ako. When, in fact, they stated I was unconscious for seven days after the brain tumor surgery. Isn't that a good thing? I was able to rest more in order to recover quickly.

"You did it." Inus gently caressed my hand before kissing the back of it with his teary eyes. "You did it, Lu." Sinalubong niya ako ng tingin. May kung ano akong naramdaman nang marahan siyang ngumiti. Nakakapanibago.

Although it's not obvious, I always had deep worries and fears when I was with him while I was still suffering from a tumor. So I used to think that spending all of my time with him was the same as not wasting my life. I'm always in a hurry for no apparent reason. But now, all of that is gone.