being alive | glee

14. DAMMIT SEBASTIAN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN |
dammit sebastian

***

I'M NOT KURT, BUT I COULD LOVE you back. I'm not Kurt, but I could love you back. I'm not Kurt, but I could love you back.

Jason had been repeating that sentence to himself since Christmas and here they were almost two weeks into January of a new year and he had yet to talk to Sebastian about it. Or at all. Honestly, he had been ignoring him as much as possible. It was a little difficult being that Sebastian was captain, but Jason had tried his damnest to not talk to the other Warbler.

Their friends had other plans.

"What the hell is the emergency, you guys?" Sebastian sighs harshly as he barges into Jeff and Nick's dorm.

Jason's chattering with Nick about their science project stops dead and his eyes dart over to Sebastian. It's the first time he's made direct eye contact with him since the Christmas debacle and he watches Sebastian shift from one foot to the other, diverting his gaze away as soon as Jason's eyes land on him.

"Hey, we gotta go do that thing." Jeff hints at Nick, pulling up by the sleeve of his sweater and out the dormroom.

Jason isn't dumb. He knows they've locked the door behind them so he and Sebastian have no choice but to actually speak to one another. It's not the first time Nick or Jeff have done this with one of the Warblers. They did it once with he and Blaine. They probably needed to do it again.

"So..." Jason draws out awkwardly, spinning around in his chair to face the older man.

"Oh, are you done with the silent treatment?" Sebastian rolls his eyes, turning away from him and facing the door with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Seb, c'mon. Let's just talk about this." Jason sighs.

"What's there to talk about? I like you. You don't like me. End of story." Sebastian summarizes, looking back to the door after he finishes speaking.

Sebastian isn't going to look at him, he realizes, so he decides to get out of his chair and stand in front of the slightly younger boy. Sebastian sits on the edge of Jeff's bed with his arms crossed over his chest and a bored expression on his face. That doesn't seem to change when Jason comes into view, but it doesn't deter him. He marches forth.

"That's not true. I do like you, Sebastian. Always have. But I've been in love with Kurt for over a year. It's not that easy for me to switch it off."

Sebastian scoffs, throwing his head back with a bitter laugh. "Don't you get it? If you really loved Kurt, you wouldn't be interested in me. And if you really liked me, you wouldn't still be in love with me. Just make a choice. Him or me."

Jason stands taken aback by Sebastian's words. How is he supposed to choose between his friends? He loves Kurt. He was closer to him now than he used to be with Blaine, and yeah, there were problems. Blaine didn't trust him and he never got to see Kurt much, but they were friends, so crush aside, he couldn't imagine not having him in his life. Yet at the same time, Sebastian was his friend too and after Blaine and Kurt left, he felt a little alone and then some narcissistic hilarious asshole comes into his life and makes it a little brighter. How is he supposed to just choose one?

He knows the answer. It's just too hard to say.

After the silence approaches three minutes, Sebastian nods, letting his arms fall down to his lap. "It's him. Got it."

He gets up from the bed, stepping around Jason and bangs on the door for Nick and Jeff to let him out. When the door opens, Sebastian looks back with one last sentence on his lips. "Let it be known, you're the first guy I've ever wanted more with. My mistake."