being alive | glee

19. BLACKBIRD

CHAPTER NINETEEN |
blackbird

***

SEBASIAN ONLY STAYS in the Hudson-Hummel guest room for two nights. Sam is spending the weekend back home in Kentucky, so Kurt lets him in, despite Finn's complaints that that's Sam's room now and the enemy shouldn't be sleeping in the room next to him. Kurt shut him up pretty quick by bringing Burt into the conversation, and so Sebastian gets comfortable in Sam's room.

The room is mostly empty. It still looks very much like a guest room save for a few framed photographs of Sam and his family, but Sebastian just lies them face down on the dresser, and the room's just like new. Kurt and Sebastian don't talk much about why he's staying with him. They just silently agree that the arrangement is okay and leave it at that.

Sebastian texts Jason just before he goes to sleep. It's a simple goodnight text because Jason is off with his grandparents and he doesn't want to bother him. After he gets Jason's response (goodnight and a kiss emoji) he pulls the duvet up over his shoulders and tries to fall asleep.

He's awoken in a sweat near the middle of the night by Kurt shaking his shoulder.

"What?" he mumbles confused, wiping the sweat off his brow.

"You were having a nightmare." Kurt frowns. "Are you sure you don't wanna talk about it?"

Sebastian sighs, pulling the cover off of himself and letting Kurt scoot in next to him.

"It's... complicated. There was a dream about my parents kicking me out, but I don't know. I feel like it's not so much of a dream anymore. They hate me." he confesses, his head bowed in shame.

He feels Kurt's hand wrap around his knee and squeeze it assuringly. "I'm sure that's not true. They're your parents."

"Blood doesn't make family. Angie feels more like my mom than my own does."

Kurt nods. "I get what you mean. Carole's not my mom, but she's the closest thing I've had to one in a long time."

Sebastian watches as that sad expression passes over Kurt's face. He knows about Kurt's mom. Jason told him once. "Do you miss her? Your mom?"

Kurt manages to smile. "All the time. She, uh, when I had a nightmare she used to make me warm milk and sing me back to sleep. She was my best friend."

"I wish I had something like that." Sebastian mumbles, his hand right next to Kurt's on the bed, their fingers just barely touching.

"Why don't you think your parents love you?" Kurt asks.

He shrugs. "We've just never really been close. My dad is strict and he moves from job to job. When I came out, he grew even more distant. And my mom, uh, she means well. But she sort of just follows whatever my dad says. Never really grew a backbone. And Ben is like the perfect son and I was the surprise baby, so I was never really wanted, and then after I came out, it was pretty much clear that they wanted nothing to do with me."

"I'm sorry. No one deserves that." Kurt sympathizes, his fingers curling around Sebastian's in an attempt to comfort him.

He sighs. "It's okay. I was never really close with them. We've always sort of felt like strangers living in the same house."

"Well, you have a home here, and with Jason." Kurt says and it's the first time he's thought about Jason since he woke up.

It's not that he doesn't trust Jason to talk about this stuff with. But Kurt is just easier to talk to. He's never really had friends before. The closest he ever got was Jason and even then it was still interwoven with their sexual chemistry, so it wasn't quite like it is with Kurt. He can trust Kurt with just about anything. There's no real attraction between them. He'd be blind not to notice that he's gorgeous, but as far as he can tell there's no pull between them like there is with Jason and he's grateful for that. Ever since he and Jason started dating, he's been worried he might go back to his maneater ways and cheat on him.