being alive | glee

4. FOUR MINUTES

CHAPTER FOUR |
four minutes

***

JASON WAS SITTING ALONE IN HIS dorm working on yet another essay, this time for French. Despite his mother being French Canadian, he literally knew nothing and it was pissing him off. A knock sounded on his door and he mumbled for them to come in, looking down at his textbook for the right conjugation of to work.

He heard the sound of the door clicking shut and he looked up for just a second, turning back to his work with a bored expression as he saw who it was. "Blaine isn't here."

Kurt spoke softly with a lot of trepidation in his tone. "I-I know. I came here for you."

Jason nearly snorted at his words. He found it hard to believe that Kurt would ever put him first. He learned that at the wedding when everyone assumed he was Blaine. Kurt didn't talk about him first. He talked about the boy that was making his heart skip a beat and that boy wasn't Jason. He was tired of always being the last option. For once, he just wanted someone to pick him.

When Jason didn't say anything, Kurt stepped closer, attempting to apologize. "I came here to say I'm sorry. I, uh, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that the other day."

Jason sighed, putting down his pencil as he realized he was going to have to eventually engage in this conversation. He hated fighting with Kurt. It didn't feel right not getting to be around him anymore. He wanted to go back to their weekly coffee dates and constantly calling each other up. He wanted to hop into the passenger side of Kurt's car and blast Wicked on the speaker. Maybe he would never have Kurt as a boyfriend, but he just couldn't imagine not having him as a friend anymore.

"Thanks," he paused, attempting to decipher what he wanted to say without sounding like an asshole. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry too. I've been a little overprotective."

Kurt snorted at his words, questioning how much larger his overprotection had stretched lately and it made him grimace. He didn't want to make it seem like he was a freak that liked to control people.

"Okay, maybe a little more than a little. I just--you are the best guy ever and with everything you've been through, I've wanted to be that person to stick up for you. But I get that I've been a bit overbearing lately and you're not this delicate little flower I need to protect."

Kurt flashed him a genuine smile as he sat on the edge of Jason's bed. "Thanks. I appreciate that. I don't want you to think you can't care about me. I love how much you care. I just need a little room to make my own mistakes, you know. You're my best friend. Not my dad."

Jason got up from his desk and moved to sit next to Kurt on the bed. "Yeah, I get that. I'd much rather be your friend anyway."

"Good because you're like my only guy friend." Kurt admitted, looking down at his lap.

Jason's held tilted in a confused gaze that seemed to make Kurt chuckle a little. "Really?" he questioned.

Kurt nodded in response. "Yeah. Most guys don't want to be friends with the gay guy. I mean, I guess it's a little different because you like guys too, but you're the only person that doesn't treat me any differently. I think that's why we're so close."

Actually we're so close because I'm in love with you and wouldn't mind taking your last name, Jason thought. The fantasy in his mind of being Kurt's forever was starting to run rampant. He'd only recently come to the decision that he was in love with Kurt and he still wasn't keen on calling it love because that meant that there was a whole hell of a lot more to lose.

"I thought we were close because you have a crush on me." Jason taunted his best friend, making Kurt punch his arm and glare at him playfully.

The brain to mouth ratio was severely off center for Jason. Even though he didn't want Kurt to find out about his feelings, he could never seem to be subtle. He was just lucky Kurt was a little oblivious. Maybe if he wasn't hopelessly in love with the wrong Warbler he'd notice, but Jason still wasn't certain he wanted him to. When the crush came out, that meant it could either end with Kurt kissing him or never wanting to speak to him again and he wasn't sure he could handle the latter, so he was settling into just being the best friend. No matter how much it sucked.

"I really need new friends." Kurt mumbled, rolling his eyes at his best friend.

Jason interjected. "No, you don't. I'm all you'll ever need."

He moved to lay down and patted the spot next to him. Kurt glared at him playfully before he finally gave up and fell down on the bed, snuggling into Jason's side. It wasn't the first time they'd held each other for long periods of time. Sometimes their hugs would last awhile, but usually only when Kurt was upset. This was the first time they were holding each other in bed. For a minute, it gave Jason hope for something a little more. Maybe Kurt would look back up at him and lean in and kiss him. He would finally see Jason and realize that he'd been right here under his nose this whole time. But like he said, that was just hopefully thinking.

"This is nice." Kurt said in the silence, turning to face Jason as he laid an arm around his side.

Jason hummed, smiling down at Kurt. He was brushing his fingers through his hair. Jason learned pretty quickly that he was one of the very few people on the planet allowed to play with Kurt's hair. He was very protective of that, but he didn't mind when it was Jason. It made him feel special.

The special moment was interrupted by Blaine walking in with an awkward gaze as he saw them laying together.

"Oh, um, sorry guys. I-I can leave." Blaine muttered, looking back to the door.

It broke Jason's heart just a little bit more when Kurt immediately pulled his hand away from his waist and sat up quickly. "Oh, we're not--this isn't--"

Jason rolled his eyes. "We're just talking. You aren't interrupting anything." Yes, you are.

Blaine breathed a sigh of relief and pulled off his blazer as he moved over his bed. And just like that, he was on the backburner for Kurt. All of a sudden he wasn't even looking in his direction anymore.

-

Jason was smiling down at his phone as he texted back and forth with Morgan. They'd been growing closer. She was a good distraction from his feelings for Kurt and it wasn't like he didn't like her back, she just wasn't exactly his first choice.

did you want to get coffee sometime?

He texted out to her just as someone sat in front of him at his coffee table. He looked up with a smile when he realized it was Kurt.

"Hey, princess." he greeted him.

"Hello, my prince." Kurt grinned at him and Jason could feel a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

"What are you blushing at?" Kurt asked when he noticed Jason's cheeks.

Jason fumbled with his words. He looked down at his phone and saw Morgan's text pop up. I'd love to! "Oh, um, I asked Morgan out and she said yes!" he found an excuse to throw at Kurt. It probably wouldn't be in his best interest to admit that Kurt was the reason he was blushing so hard.

Kurt smiled at him warmly. "That's great, Jay! Do you like her?"

He hesitated. "Yeah, um, she's nice. I don't know if it'll necessarily go anywhere, but she's nice company."

"As long as you're happy." Kurt had a genuine smile. Jason couldn't help thinking that he wanted that smile in his life for the rest of it.

Jason looking down at his coffee, diverting Kurt's gaze. "Hey, um, so I was going to go through some stuff for Sectionals. Did you wanna come over tonight and help me pick some songs?"

Kurt grinned. "Yes, I'd love to!" It was the same phrase Morgan said, but somehow it meant more coming from Kurt.

"I have French class, but just pick me up from my dorm and we can head over there." Kurt suggested and Jason nodded fervently.

Kurt pushed in his chair and picked up his coffee, waving goodbye. "See ya, prince."

"Bye, princess." Jason couldn't help feeling like his world was finally turning around.
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[A/N: okay this chapter sucks, i'm so sorry 😭 if anybody has any ideas for chapters pls pls lemme know because the lack of ideas i have is astounding! anyway, thank you for almost 400 reads, you mean the world to me! 😭💗💗💗]

~ Dani