being alive | glee

18. ANIMAL

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN |
animal

***

SEBASTIAN HAS SPENT his whole life blending into his older brother, Ben's shadow. He supposes that's the territory that comes with coming from a well-to-do bureaucratic family. Ben is the straight, lawyer son that Sebastian's parents always wanted. It didn't take long at all for Sebastian to realize that he was the disappointment and maybe that's why he acted out. He wanted someone who understood that feeling, but Jason was an only child and his mother's pride and joy. He didn't get it.

Sebastian was generally pretty good at pushing all those depressing childhood trauma feelings to the very recesses of his mind most of the time, but sometimes out of nowhere it would hit him and today it was watching a movie on Jason's couch with him and Kurt. He was slowly getting used to Kurt's presence and he wasn't bad. Ultra annoying most of the time, but their truce seemed to still be in full effect.

Jason has just gone to the kitchen to make some popcorn for the three to share when he gets the text from his father.

Your mother and I are taking Ben out to eat to celebrate his promotion. We'll be home late.

It's entirely impersonal, as most of his conversations with his dad are. He's not going to cry. He's learned that tears get him nowhere, at least in terms of his parents' love and affection. That doesn't mean that he's sunshine and giggles. His mood is ruined and unfortunately Kurt who is sitting on the other side of the room can certainly tell.

"What's up with you?" It's almost humorous the way Kurt speaks to him. In every day life he's more refined and professional, but with Sebastian it's chilled and somewhat aggressive. He sort of likes it.

Sebastian sighs. "Nothing. It's just - can I be honest for a second?"

Kurt nods and so he asks. "Do you ever hate Finn?"

He raises a brow, but answers anyway. "Not usually, unless he eats my leftovers or touches my clothes."

Sebastian almost laughs. "Of course you would hate him for gay reasons."

"Can it, Smythe. What's your point here?"

Sebastian has been avoiding what's really been bothering him for almost as long as he's been alive. He doesn't really want to confide in Kurt. They're not close like that. This is something he should be telling Jason, but for some reason it feels safer with Kurt. Maybe because he knows he won't sugarcoat anything.

"What is bothering the elusive Sebastian Nathaniel Smythe?" Kurt jokes, but has turned his body towards Sebastian, effectively letting him know that he has his full attention.

"How do you know my middle name?" Sebastian frowns and Kurt chuckles.

"Jay told me, doofus. Now just tell me what's bothering you. I don't have all day." There's a teasing lilt to his voice, yet there's also something in his tone that makes it feel safe to confide in him.

"It's just family stuff," Sebastian dismisses, but Kurt obviously doesn't seem content with that. "Fine. My brother is the favorite and I just feel a little bit like maybe if I was straight, my parents would actually care more about me."

For the first time, there was no humor in Kurt's face. For the first time, he actually looked like he cared, and Sebastian found that he didn't mind that he did.

Kurt frowned, scooting closer to him. "You know there's nothing wrong with you, right? Being gay shouldn't change anything for them, and maybe we don't get along most of the time, but I'm sorry your parents suck. Everyone deserves a support system."