If You Only Knew

Chapter 4

"Lou!" I pull Louis in for a tight hug. "I am so sorry, i was being stupid, please don't be mad at me!" I cry into his shoulder. "Oh sweet Hazza, I'm not mad. I am just confused love. Why are you upset with me?" "Um do you want to come in and talk?" I ask "Sure" I move so Louis can enter the house, we head up to my room to talk. I sit on the far end of the bed near the wall with me knees to my chest. Louis takes a seat on the edge of the bed and we face each other but neither of us are really looking at the other.

"So umm... I'm sorry Lou i really am. It's stupid... i just felt like i was losing you to Eleanor. You skipped lunch with me to go to be with her, and then you cancelled our 12 year tradition of Friday night sleepovers for her. I get it Lou, you have a girlfriend, you are supposed to spend time with her. I just wish it didn't feel like you were leaving me behind in the process." I looked at my fingers, unable to meet Louis eyes. "Haz... i didn't mean to make you feel like i was forgetting about you, i care about you so much. You are my best friend in the entire world. We have been friends since we were born. El isn't my girlfriend but she is someone i can see myself being with. I want to give this a real shot with her and i am sorry if this hurts you Haz but it may not be the only Friday night where i choose to spend it with El."

"O-oh... i guess i understand... i guess i have to get use to the idea i am not the most important person in your life anymore" I fight back the tears welling up in my eyes. "Haz you are still important to me... so damn important" "But she will become the most important Lou... this is what i mean, i need to get use to this now, El will be your new priority." A small tear rolls down my cheek. "Haz.. i am not leaving your life I don't understand why you feel that i am walking away." Lou pleads.

"It's just how i feel right now Lou. I will get over it eventually. I just need to come to terms with the fact that things are changing between us. We are growing older. At least we have our annual Halloween movie marathon to look forward too. Niall, Liam and Zayn want to join, are you okay with that?" I give him a small forced smile. "Um... Haz about that... El told me about this Halloween party her friends are hosting. I kind of already told her i would go. But you and the boys should totally come!" "Oh... O-okay" I allow two more tears to fall from my eyes. "Well look i should get dinner ready mum will be home soon i will see you tomorrow Lou" I tell him getting off of my bed and start to head out of my room.

Louis grabs my arm and stops me from leaving the room. "Haz... why are you kicking me out and why are you lying i know your mum is working late, she told my mum. It is part of the reason why i came over so you wouldn't have to be alone tonight." "Because Lou, i need to learn to do things on my own without you. today made that perfectly clear. I can't call you everytime my mum works late. You need to be able to feel like you can do things without worrying about me. It's not your job and it is time for me to grow up Lou. It's time for me to move on" i tell Louis mumbling the last part.

"Okay Haz... if you say that you are okay. I guess i will see you tomorrow" Louis frowns giving me one last look before leaving my room. I listen to him walk down the stairs and towards the front door. Part of me wants to run after him and beg him to forgive me and forget everything but i know i can't. Once i hear the front door slam shut i fall to my bed curling up in a ball and let the tears stream down my cheeks soaking my shirt and pillow. I am stupid so so stupid, stupidly in love with the boy who will never love me back. Stupidly obsessed with the boy who likes another girl. Stupidly falling for my best friend of nearly 17 years. I lay in my bed for what seems for forever, when in reality it had only been an hour and a half, but i don't care i didn't have any plans on getting up anytime soon. However that stupid grumbling in my stomach had other plans. "Ugh stupid stomach" i huff and get up off my bed and slowly make my way downstairs with red and puffy eyes.

Before i reach the kitchen i hear a noise coming from the living room. I freeze in place, why did i have to send Louis away, why didn't i come back down and lock the door after he left. This is where i die by some robber who is coming to kill me. I make my way slowly to the living room and peak my head around the wall.

"Lou..." i breathe "Hi Hazza..." Louis wipes the tears from his eyes, why was he crying. "I know you told me to leave but i couldn't knowing how hard being alone is for you." "Lou" i couldn't take it i broke down into tears. "Oh love... come here" Louis opens his arms for me. I run to Louis wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, Louis snakes his arms around my waist. "Thank you for not leaving. I am sorry Lou..." "Oh Hazza, I'm sorry too... it started to make sense when i was down here, you really have being alone, your mum is barely home, Gem is away at school your dad is your dad and you felt like i was leaving you. Love i promise you i will always be in your life as long as you will have me" Louis whispers into my ear never releasing the hug. "Are we okay Lou?" Louis releases the hug and looks me in the eyes. "Of course we are Haz! Now do you want to stay here or stay at mine?" "Can we stay here? I love your siblings i really do... but i just need a quiet night" i giggle. Louis laughs "i get it Haz, no worries of course we can stay here. Want to cuddle and watch a movie?" "Yes, but we can order for first" I suddenly remember my grumbling stomach begging for me to put some food in my body. "Of course! You order the food i will pick a movie, we can meet in your room!" Louis tells me as he starts heading up the stairs.

I decide to order us pizza because it's quick and easy. I get a meat lovers pizza for Louis and a veggie pizza for myself. I head upstairs to my room where Louis lying on my bed and is putting on Transformers. I smile at him and he climb in next to him. I snuggle up close to Louis. Louis runs his fingers through my hair causing me to purr. This is where we stay for the rest of the night other than quick bathroom breaks or me getting up to get us the pizza when it finally arrived. It was perfect. Another reason to love Louis, we could never stay upset with each other and even if we were we never let the other one be alone.