Call Me Blade✔

Seven: Backing out

The past week has been unusual. Even though the paper is finished, Dustin has been sitting with me in English class every day. We don't talk much, but I realized I don't mind his company. We aren't friends by any means, but we are more than strangers. This new thing in my life occupies my mind more then I would like. Just five days. That's all it took for me to look forward to class. I hated the longing I felt for the possibility of friendship.

Loneliness is where I thrived. It's what I know. It's concise and predictable, but that didn't stop the small bit of hope that bloomed in my heart.

Today is the due date for the paper. After turning over the assignment to our teacher we'll part ways. My life will be normal. My normal. I've been burned too many times by the world to ever think I'll have something good. There's no point in risking it, so I weeded out the optimistic thoughts as soon as they sprouted.

Dustin greets me with a wide smile as he always does when he comes into class. I give him a lame wave, feeling moody.

"Do you have the goods?" he asks in a lowered tone as if he was asking for drugs.

I widen my eyes deciding to play along, pretending I forgot.

He gives me a look. "Yea right. You can't fool me that easily."

He was right, I would never. The four page paper was tucked away neatly in a folder in my bag.

"So... now that our paper is officially finished. We should celebrate."

My eyebrows furrow.

He nods, grinning at me. "My place for dinner tonight? It's on me." He leans in as says in a faux whisper. "Well, it's on my mom since she's the one cooking it."

I stare at him

"So, you down?"

I'm about to decline, but he continues. "I may have mentioned you to my parents, and now they insist I invite you over," he gives me a teasing smile. "It would be rude to decline."

I narrow my eyes at him. Why is he being so nice to me? Why does he want me to come to his house? A part of me has hoped for this. For friendship, and friends have dinner at each other's houses. Not that he'd ever be invited to mine.

But why would he want to be my friend? It's suspicious to me how kind and friendly he has been since our first encounter.

"No pressure, okay. I was just joking about it being rude to decline."

I should decline, but instead I find myself nodding.

"So that's a yes?"

I nod again pensively and Dustin beams.

"Great! See you tonight?"

I don't have a shift at the bookstore. It's Suki and Jane's anniversary. Melissa won't care. She wouldn't care if I turned up dead in a ditch. It's almost like this is a sign.

I give him a hesitant thumbs up, my mind racing as I think about all that could go wrong.

"See you at 7."

No backing out now.

****

Except that's exactly what I do.

By the time school ended I had gone over every possible scenario about what could go wrong. I kept asking myself why he's even trying to be friends with me. Why is he so nice to someone he doesn't even know?

And I have not the slighest clue to the answers.

When I realized that I would have to bring Faith along, I completely shut down any thought of going. My life is too complicated already. Adding more people into it will only make it worse. Better to stay away and minimize the chances of getting hurt before it's too late.

Instead, I study.

The small part of me that longs to go. The curious part of me that wants to meet his family. I squash it.

*****