Call Me Blade✔

Fifteen: Calm Before

Melissa is acting weird. After her last fight with Todd that left her more beaten and bloodied than I've ever seen her, she's been... civil. Her cruel sentences and harsh glares had lessened significantly and she's acknowledging me more than ever.

It's not normal.

I had missed a week of school to take care of Melissa. The first two days she was a bit rude, talking to me in harsh tones and bossing me around. She was in pain and she's prideful. It's hard admitting you need help, so I guess I get it. Eventually she stopped being mean and turned into... well this. A nicer, less angry woman who doesn't talk to me like I'm scum.

I don't believe this good spell will last. It never does. So I'm counting down until it goes away.

"I'll take her today," Melissa informs me when I get downstairs. My grip unconsciously tightens around Faith as she reaches for her.

I stare at her hands, my mind swirling with thoughts. I can't trust her. Even if Faith is Melissa's daughter, she hasn't been much of a mother to Faith.

She's an abusive addict and I'll never forgive myself if something were to happen to Faith. But I couldn't say no. I'm not biologically Faith's mom. I'm not even legally her mom. I don't know what Melissa thinks, but she probably has deluded herself into thinking she has been a good mother. A good person. That she has even an ounce of capabilities to take care of her.

"Come on," she coaxes. "I want to spend some time with my daughter."

My daughter?

I could almost laugh in her face. Most days Faith is a nuisance Melissa couldn't care less about.

I take a deep breath, silently praying that I won't regret this decision. Not that I have much of a choice. I can't say no to Melissa.

I pass Faith to her, feeling vulnerable without the little one around me. I don't trust Melissa to take care of Faith. I don't trust Melissa at all.

"See you later," Melissa says with a smile.

I hope so.

I could barely focus during the day. I put my mind through mental gymnastics thinking about the worst case scenario of Melissa having Faith.

Although she has been a decent human being the past few days, that doesn't mean she is. I don't believe that she'll be able to go a full day without doing drugs or having a tantrum. Whenever she's frustrated, she lashes out and taking care of a baby can be very frustrating.

I sigh, running my hands down my face as I lean in my chair.

I can't keep this up. I'll lose my mind before the day is over if I keep thinking about all that could be going wrong at home.

Faith will be fine.

Faith will be fine.

Faith will be fine.

I don't believe it.

****

The end of the day couldn't come fast enough. I was basically running out of class when the final buzzer sounded, ready to see Faith.

"Hi, Blade. Long time no see."

I don't want to be a jerk to Dustin but I really don't have time for him right now. I try to keep my cool and avoid harsh facial expressions but the somewhat hurt look on Dustin's face proves I failed.

I sigh, feeling guilty for being such an ass when all he has been is nice to me, but there are more important things on my mind than his feelings.

In hopes of lessening his pain, I give him a small wave unable to muster a smile. I rush off, speed walking home, my heart beating a mile a minute.

She'll be okay. I keep repeating it in my head until I open the door of the house.

To my utter surprise, Faith is okay. Actually she's better than okay. Melissa is holding her, stirring something on the stove. A bit hazardous to be cooking with a baby but Faith looks content, a giant smile on her face.

The door closing alerts Melissa of my presence and she turns to greet me.

"Hi, Blade. I hope school went well."

I nod in response, moving forward to take Faith from her. I extend my hands out and Melissa hands Faith to me. Having her in my arms calms my agitated nerves and I finally relax after extensive anxiety all day.

Faith coos, leaning down and pressing her open mouth on my cheek in attempts to chew it.

A small smile forms --thankful she's okay.

"I'm making pasta for dinner."

I nod again unable to sign thank you since I'm holding the baby. I gesture to upstairs in hopes of conveying that I'm going there.

Melissa nods and I leave.

I cuddle Faith for a few minutes, examining her before going back downstairs. I just needed a few moments with her.

As promised, Melissa made pasta, and it was delicious. She hasn't cooked in months and while we sat around the table eating, I felt almost content. I mean, her and Faith are the only family I have left. As difficult as Melissa is, she's still my aunt. If Melissa could stay sober, this could be a reality.

I don't allow myself to revel in those daydreams too long. This scene looks all too familiar. And I know what happens next. I know it won't last, but a part of me wishes it would. I want this life for Faith.

After dinner, I clean up the kitchen and do the dishes while Melissa retreats upstairs. With Faith. Even though Faith is only one door over with her mother, I still toss and turn all night.

*****