Call Me Blade✔

Twenty-One: I used to talk to god but he never answered

Being back at the house after a day with Dustin and Miriam really put into perspective how much I hate my life. Whatever good time I had with them was basically forgotten as I entered the door of my beyond broken home.

They got to go home to parents who love them.

I came back to a drug addicted aunt.

The only good thing in my home life is Faith. Faith and her bright smiles and happy noises, and her crabby moods and loud cries.

Today, crabby Faith is showing herself which makes for a miserable shift at work. She began teething a few days ago and now I have to hear her complain about it.

Like now.

Every time I pull my hair out of her mouth she whines because that's her favorite thing chew on when she's confined to my back.

I totally get it. Being lugged around in a carrier and getting no attention sucks. Plus the teething makes for an even worse time. As always, I eventually give up and let her stuff my hair into her mouth. For the next few hours, my hair becomes thick with baby saliva but I get the work done.

Since there wasn't much for me to do, I only worked four hours. I had finished up everything quickly so Suki sent me on my way, giving me some freshly baked bread and baby formula for Faith.

I always insisted that they didn't need to buy stuff for her. They've already done so much for me by giving me this job, but Jane and Suki don't care to hear it. Almost every week they give me something that Faith needs: diapers, formula, toys. Whatever they can.

And I'm so grateful for it.

For the most part I think life sucks, but there are a few good things that make life a little better.

Since I don't have anything to do, I head to the park with Faith, trying to stay out of the house as much as possible.

Faith is more than happy to roll around on the blanket I put down on the grass. I sit down with her, entertaining her with toys. She can't crawl yet, mostly rocking on her hands and knees which I read is a step towards crawling.

"Gosh, she's unbelievably cute." I glance up in surprise at Miriam who has Dorito on a leash. Faith squeals delightfully when she sees the shaggy haired dog and reaches her hands out.

I lift Faith up, holding her from her belly with her back towards me so her hands are free to roam the dog. Dorito gives her hand a lick which makes Faith giggle and while she grapples his fur, unable to stop smiling.

"Are you busy right now?" Miriam asks me.

I shrug, shaking my head.

"Would you want to come over? We can hang out while Faith takes a nap. She's looking a bit tired."

Miriam's right. Despite being delighted to be in Dorito's company, she's looking sleepy, her eyelids blink slowly as she yawns.

I hesitate, not sure how comfortable I feel with that yet. I've only just gotten comfortable with hanging out with them. They'll eventually get tired of my rejection of their invitations and kindness, but I'm still not sure if I trust them yet.

Miriam seems to sense my inner turmoil and gives me a soft smile. "No pressure, of course."

I sigh. I really don't want to go back to the house yet. I still have a few hours until nightfall, and as much as I love the park, I'm not sure how much Faith will enjoy staying out for that long.

Finally, I nod, and make a move to start packing my things.

"Oh, I got it." Miriam turns to Dorito. "Stay."