Call Me Blade✔

Thirty-Nine: I don't care anymore

Chapter song: Matilda by Harry Styles

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I can barely stand the sight of Melissa. For years her presence has been bearable, but now all I feel is anger. And hate.

I hate her.

"Blade, please."

Don't call me that! I want to scream.

She has no right using my name. Neither one. She has no right addressing me, not after all she put me through.

"I'm still trying to get Faith back. Todd disappeared. No one knows where he is, but I swear I'm doing everything I can to get her back." I walk away from her, going upstairs to my room. I don't care if it pisses her off. If she gets angry. If she hits me. I don't care about anything anymore.

I pull out the Ipod from Dustin and select a song from Dustin's Favorites. I let the song flow my ears as I stare at the ceiling.

The lyrics of the song hit a nerve and I start crying for the millionth time this week. I hug my pillow and whimper into my sheets.

I get up, needing to move. If I lay around crying any longer, I'll jump head first out my window and I can't imagine how much more miserable my life would be if I failed that attempt.

"Where are you going?" Melissa asks me, but I ignore her, slamming the door behind me as I walk away from the house. I'm moving on autopilot, letting the music guide my feet. The stitches on my arm itch. I scratch it through the thin material of my shirt.

I find myself outside Dustin's house and I stare at the door. Before I can think the better of it, I ring the doorbell. When I realize my actions, I turn to leave, but just then the door opens.

"Blade!" Mrs. Swaz greets cheerily. There's music playing behind her in the house. "Thanks so much for coming! Come in, come in!" She ushers me inside. I'm confused by her words and enthusiasm, but when I see the happy birthday banner hanging across the ceiling, I immediately feel stupid.

Miriam's birthday...

I want to kick myself. How could I forget? How could I think to come here at all? What's wrong with me?

A couple people loiter inside, but I see more people out in the back yard.

"Would you like something to drink?" Mrs. Swaz asks and I shake my head, feelings embarrassed. I don't have a gift. I look awful and I feel worse. I should leave but it's too late now.

"Blade." I hear Dustin say and my head snaps in his direction. He looks relieved to see me, his eyes full of concern.

"Oh, Dustin perfect. You can introduce her to people. I need to get the cake ready." Mrs. Swaz flitters off.

"Hi," Dustin says awkwardly.

I give him a pathetic wave.

He extends his arm out. "Let's go say hi to Miriam. She's out back playing charades with our cousins."

I hesitate, reeling with my combative emotions before exhaling and taking his hand into mine. His hands are warm, easily encasing my smaller one. I find my previous restlessness dissipating as he gently squeezes my hand.

The curious gazes of the other people in the room don't go unnoticed as Dustin leads me outside. I shy away at their stares, looking to the ground.

It takes less than a five seconds to spot Miriam among the people in the back yard. She's wearing a bright pink shimmery strapless dress that goes out at the waist and her hair is styled in an afro with flowers woven in.