Call Me Blade✔

Twelve: No Bruises, No Problem

Melissa might not have left me physically beaten and bruised, but my soul is surely a few shades of purple. I had stared at the knives in the case until the wee hours of the night, contemplating if living was actually worth it.

I still haven't decided the answer.

To say I look bad is a severe understatement. The bags under my eyes add years to my age and my skin has an unhealthy hue to it. I look as bad as I feel.

I always dread going to school, but today will be like nails on a chalkboard. My school work is piling up and impeding pressures of adulthood lurk in the distance with senior year progressing. Our teachers have been planting the seed of college and career choices since freshman year but it has been even more emphasized as senior year goes on. I've barely been keeping my head above water as I prepare for exams and meander through loads of assignments.

All this work towards a future I don't even want.

Staying on top of my academics wouldn't be hard if I didn't also have to deal with all the other stressful aspects of my life, but you don't get a free pass just because you're tired.

I sigh deeply, adjusting Faith in her carrier on my way to drop her off at the daycare. She is making happy baby sounds, excited about her daily walk. I bop her nose, smiling to myself when she crinkles it at me. Moments like these are what keep me going.

Just me and her against the world.

As I expect, school is a nightmare. Like usual, Alice is an excessive bully. Her friends are even worse and my headache won't go away. It's an exhausting day. I can't even be happy when school is over because I have a shift at the bookstore. Usually, I don't dread work so much, but today, I want nothing more than to stop moving.

Faith feels heavier than usual. It's tiring carrying her on my back as I dust the shelves. I always feel guilty when Suki or Jane would offer to babysit while I work but I deeply hope one of them would. Of course, both are away for the week so their niece is covering the store.

The one time I really need break.

To make matters worse, Faith is fussy. She keeps tugging my hair and whining when I try to tuck it under my beanie. I give up and decide to let her pull the loose tendrils.

The ding of the bell alerts me that someone has entered so I make myself scarce. Students from school come here sometimes and I am worried about running into one of my tormentors. Although I highly doubt that Alice even reads.

Better safe than sorry.

"Blade," Emily pops her head in the supply room where I'm organizing stock. "We received some young adult novels yesterday. Can you start putting them out?" She points at the box sitting on the table.

I nod, following her instructions. Some of these are already on the floor, but there are a couple we haven't carried yet. I'm absent-mindedly reading the summary of one, intrigued by the cover.

I stop in my tracks, surprised to see Dustin standing in the same aisle as me, his eyes trained on the shelf. He notices me before I have a chance to turn away.

"Oh, hey." I stand still, hoping maybe I'd disappear if I don't move. I've been especially cold to him these past couple weeks. He still says hi in passing, and I don't deem a response. Faith stops pulling my hair, seeming more focused on the boy in front of me.

"How are you?"

I shrug, not sure why he'd care. He shouldn't, and he doesn't.

"Anything good in that box?"

I shake my head.

"Okay." He signs the word as he speaks and I force my lips to not quirk up in a smile. He takes a step closer. "Who's this cutie pie." He reaches his hand out to touch her and I step back abruptly.

He raises his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, I didn't mean to overstep."

I relax, confused as to why I had such a severe reaction. Withour thinking, I manage to get my phone out and clumsily type 'her name's Faith'  into the notepad.

Dustin's face breaks into a amile when the sees the screen. "Pretty name."

I pulled my phone back, annoyed I even bothered with that.  I turned away from him and continued with what I was doing, letting him know I was done with the conversation.

I heard him sigh. "I'll see you around." He says and from the corner of mye ey I see he also signs it. He messed up a bit but I could knew what he meant.

The sly look Emily gives me doesn't go unnoticed. I keep doing what I was doing, my mind now occupied by the actions of a certain curly haired boy.

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-aj