Call Me Blade✔

Thirty-Six: The Dead

Chapter song: Cigarette Daydreams- Cage The Elephant

*****

There's no right way to react to your aunt confessing she basically killed your parents. There's no ten step count to acceptance. No guide book on how to sort through your emotions.

There's only the pain. And the rage. The hate and anger. It might be the only thing I'll ever be able to feel. All I could do was walk away. Walk through a house that I've been imprisoned in for years. Into a room that has been both my safe haven and personal hell.

All the pain caused in my life has been from those alive. When my parents died, the only pain I felt was the aching hole their absence left but no more of my wounds are a result of them. When people die they don't hurt you anymore than they already have. They don't help anymore than they already have.

Betrayal continues on by the living because the dead are too dead to do anything.

I've lost track of how long I've been staring at the wall. Melissa had the audacity to break down while explaining to me that she hired someone to kill my family. She mocked me with her tears as if she hadn't intended to kill me all those years ago too. It hurts so much to know that the person who ruined my life is the same person I've been living with. The same person who was supposed to be my guardian.

I'm angry. Angry at Melissa for what she did. Angry at myself for helping her. Angry at god for all he has put me through.

I can't take it anymore.

I won't take it anymore.

The absolute delusion of a woman who planned the murder of three people and successfully killing two to think an apology and tears is enough for forgiveness is laughable.  My life has been nothing short of a tragic joke. The punchline is almost good enough to laugh at.

Melissa and her ten-step program to sobriety can burn. She deserves nothing else from me.

Death affects the living more than it does the dead. Luckily for me, all the people who would care about me dying are gone so dying wouldn't matter. Killing myself wouldn't be selfish.

I wipe my eyes aggressively as I head into the bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror, and cry harder. The light in my eyes that had been briefly relit is gone again. I feel so empty.

I am empty.

All that's left is a deep simmering rage that is bubbling within. That's all I have.

My whole life is shattered. I lost my parents because of Melissa. I lost Faith because of her boyfriend and I lost myself because of both.

I let out a strangled sob; balling my hand into a fist throwing it forward. The sound of the mirror breaking echoes in my ears. It feels.... good, so I do it again. And again.

I barely feel the stinging pain in my knuckles.

I clutch a broken shard in my hand, drops of blood dotting my reflection. There's blood on the wall where the mirror used to be and glass shards all over the sink and floor. My body moves on autopilot, directing itself to the shower, my feet stinging with pain as I step on the broken glass.

I barely feel it.

There's a reason why I never had an idea of what I wanted to be in the future. It's because I was never going to have one. I don't want one.

But that's okay.

It ends here.

It all ends here.

****