The Gifts Of Life- FIRST BOOK

Chapter 26: Darlin'

I stepped inside our hotel room, it was really spacious.

"Andrew outdid himself." I looked at Phil.

"Well, Darlin'," I teased, "I think he just wanted me to love him as much as I did before."

"True."

"The bed looks comfy." I teased.

"It does, doesn't it?"

"Worth a good nap." I smiled.

"Well, you take your nap. I'll read in the next room."

I nodded and let sleep consume me.

I woke up in what felt like a second, but was probably a few hours, to something.

"Oh, good. You're up." Phil walked into the room.

"We have to go to dinner." I groaned, "Come on, we have a week to ourselves, we can manage to have dinner at a fancy restaurant for a night. We deserve it."

I grumbled, "Fine." I got off the bed but soon lost my balance and I fell back onto the bed.

"Mel, you okay?" I nodded in return.

"Just got up too fast. I'm gonna get ready."

He nodded, seeming satisfied with the answer.

I slowly got up and walked over to the dresser where our suitcases were opened up. I took a black dress out, nothing fancy, not too low, not too deep. I put it on and slipped on black knee- length boots on.

We left in about 30 minutes after that, once we managed to find my pills. The restaurant was by the beach so we needed to walk a little.

"I'm going to the washroom. Order me something good." I told him once we got there. He nodded and I left to find the washroom. Once I got there, splattered ice cold water onto my face. I took a shaky breath and let my head fall into my hands.

"Uhm, Ma'am, Are you okay?" Somebody, probably a worker, asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I looked at her and slightly smiled, "Just got a headache." The worker nodded and left.

Deep down, I knew it wasn't just a headache. I knew it was something more important. I shook my head and walked out of the washroom, whatever it was, a public space wasn't any place to talk about it. I'd talk to Phil when we got back to the hotel. I walked over to our table, where Phil sat.

"All good?" He asked when I sat down in front of him.

"Well, Andrew doesn't know me that well and didn't get a window table." I teased, "But I'm fine."

"We can ask for a window table if you want." He looked around, "Look, that one's empty."

I shook my head, "Its fine."

"Mel, we can leave if you're not in the mood for dinner tonight."

I sighed, "Something's wrong."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I think."

"What's wrong?"

"Not here, Phil."

"Right." He reached out to place his hand on we mine. I turned my hand around and intertwined our fingers, "Do you want to leave? We can get room service."

"Please." He nodded and called over a waitress, "Hi, uhm, could you cancel our order? Something came up."

The waitress nodded, "Of course." She looked at me, "Are you feeling better now, miss?"

I looked up to meet the eyes of the girl I met in the washroom, "Uh, I'm fine."

She nodded, "You we're about to fall down in the washroom."

I felt Phil's eyes on me, "Drop it." I took a deep breath, "I need some air."

I walked out of the restaurant and sat down on the cold sand. Thoughts ran through my mind, faster than they usually do. I couldn't shut down doors I opened a few minutes ago. What if something was wrong with the baby? Again? I didn't know if I would be able to get over it. If I could be happy knowing I lost another life. Tears slid down my face, I let them fall. If someone asked, I'd blame it on the hormones.

"Mel?" Phil was probably walking over to me, unknown to him, I was about to break down. Badly. He came over and sat beside me. "Oh, Mel..." He saw tears glistening in the moonlight.

"I have a headache." I looked at him, "I've been dizzy since we landed. AND I DON'T THINK ITS THE SICKNESS OR THE TIME DIFFERENCE. I THINK SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG WITH THE BABY! I THINK I,-" I broke down, let go of everything I had been holding onto since we landed. Let go of my fears, only to make them ours. "I think I'll lose the baby. Again. Only difference is that this time I actually wanted to keep it. That this time, it was with the man I love and not the shrink I chose to be with to avoid those feelings."

"Oh, Melinda." He wrapped his arms around me, knowing that he feared the same thing.

"I feel like breaking down every damn time. I needed a break from SHIELD. Not because we already contributed too much for it, but because it holds too many memories." I looked up into his eyes, "I needed to get away from Daisy." I whispered.

"I know."

"I'm sorry. I know you wanted to get dinner and everything, and I just ruined it." I wiped my tears, "I try to keep the tears and feelings down but sometimes I can't help it. Sometimes, all I want to do is let go. Sometimes, I want to die. I want to sleep and not wake up again. But I don't want to feel suicidal."

I softly chuckled, "I can't even leave SHIELD.  I'd worry too much about you."

I could see him smiling, "I can handle myself."

I felt my body stiffen. What the hell, Melinda? Don't be this sensitive to the topic. I couldn't control my thoughts, couldn't control my mind. Using all of my will, I fought against the panic that had spread through my body a minute ago. I acted like nothing happened, but like always, Phil knew.

"Mel?"

"Yeah,-I," I rubbed his arm, "panicked."

"Wanna talk?"

"Not really, but sure." I took a deep breath, "You died. Once. Then you lost your arm. Or almost died again. You wanna know why I've stayed by your side all this time? It's because I don't want to lose you." I looked into his eyes, "Not again." I whispered.

"Come here." He pulled me closer to him so we could comfortably lay down in the cold sand.

I scoffed, "I haven't been this sappy for like 28 years." He chuckled, "Fucking hormones."

"Hey! Language!"

"I can say 'fucking' now. No more limiting our language because of kids. Daisy isn't nearby and this one," I pointed to my flat stomach, "can't hear us."

Phil hesitantly placed his hand on my stomach, "Well, let's not worry about the when, how and ifs, let's live the now." He smiled.