sdmn one sh~i~ts

You Can Pull Away /wroetozerk

words: 1855
warnings: uhhh idrk how to phrase it but: harry in this fic pulls away from kissing for unspecified reasons. his discomfort is described in length. he has a panic attack. although no reasons for him suddenly panicking are described or expanded upon, please do not force yourself to read if you find this uncomfortable in the slightest!!!
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Harry ends up pulling away.

He was seated on Josh's lap, the older man's thighs in between his legs. It was comfortable, at first- a position atop his lover on a lazy Sunday evening, kissing on the couch for they had nothing else to do.

All was well and good for a long while. Harry was losing track of time, lips nearly numbing and heart buzzing with excitement and familiarity for what felt like many minutes passing by.

Things were undoubtedly getting heated. Atmosphere hot, Harry lightly huffs against Josh's lips when he feels cold hands climb up the skin of his back, under his shirt, gently caressing him.

But then, something isn't right. Frowning into the kiss, he feels a strange and painful pang to his heart.

Harry ends up pulling away.

He breathes in and out, vision suddenly blurred, Josh's bright orange shirt the only thing he is able focus on.

He gulps and exhales, but it's no use. Something feels awful. Something feels wrong.

He almost doesn't register Josh's words, but eventually they get through to him.

"Harry? Baby?" Josh sounds worried, though gentle. "What's wrong?"

No response. Harry is completely frozen in place. Josh knows better than to panic, though.

"Are you okay?"

A sharp breath. Harry shakes his head no.

"Do you want to get off?"

A nod indicating yes.

As gently as he can, Josh grabs Harry by the waist and maneuvers him off his lap and onto the couch. Although the younger's legs are slightly shaking, Josh notices, Harry is able to cooperate. Josh successfully gets him to sit back against the cushions of the sofa.

Harry's looking down at his own lap, all the while Josh takes his place on the floor in front of the couch, knees against the carpet and gaze on Harry's eye level for the purpose of asking a few more questions. It pains him to do so, but he needs to make sure...

"Do you need anything?"

A soft but audible 'no' comes out of Harry's mouth. He's visibly trembling, but he keeps his hands woven tightly together on his lap. Josh takes note of this and stops himself from reaching out.

"Harry, do you need me to get out?"

Numerous and continuous nods. He hears Harry hold back a sob, and his heart breaks at that.

"I'll be in the other room if you need me," Josh lets him know, tenderness to his voice. "Just call for me if you do, darling."

He wants nothing more than to reach out and embrace the younger boy and give him kisses, but he knows it can wait. Not now, not when Harry clearly needs and wants space. Standing up, he grabs his phone and charger from the living room table, and with a slightly heavy heart, he walks towards the door.

Josh closes the door between them with a gentleness, quiet enough to not startle the younger.

Left alone, Harry lets out his held back sobs.