sdmn one sh~i~ts

Tidal Waves /kshaw

words: 1258
warnings: just sad shit, no big triggers or anything⚠️

The streets were empty, silence hanging over them. It was far into the night, and maybe if he were in the country side, a cricket or a bird would be heard every so often, but this was London, and it was quiet, leaving Harry alone with this all too loud thoughts. His stomach churned as he neared the familiar house, hands clenched and sweaty in the pockets of his dishevelled hoodie. Stopping at the end of the driveway, he contemplated knocking on the front door. That's what normal people did when they visited, right?

Though this wasn't just a visit, and right about now, Harry felt far from normal.

Something kept him from doing it. A paralysing sense of anxiety rooted Harry in place, leaving him to stare at a random flower and wait for the neighbours to notice him and call the police for loitering in front of a supposed strangers house at three in the morning. He hoped that wouldn't happen.

He swallowed, turning away from the dim orange glow of the street lamps above him, ashamed at himself for showing up in the first place. After a whole year on his one, he only managed to need him now, at the worst possible moment. Breathing was difficult, thinking was difficult. All Harry wanted was someone by his side to work through his insomnia, someone to distract him- if only briefly- from the voices in his head. The boy was tired, and he didn't want to hear them taunting him anymore.

He only wanted to hear him.

Seeing the yellow lamp illuminating his room, even at such a ghastly hour, seemed miraculous. If that soft glow had not been there, letting him know he was in the right spot, he might have given up by now. If it wasn't for the hope that maybe he was awake too, then he would have been left to cope on his own, something that seems way beyond his capabilities at the moment.

Time passed, and Harry found himself recalling and repeating old memories, drowning in the same emotions over and over again as he stood in front of his friends house, completely and utterly alone. There had never been a strong enough dam to keep those thoughts at bay for long, and it was too late to build one now. Once the flood was unleashed, it seemed pointless to even try and stop it.

Twenty minutes later, he was sobbing as he stood in the same spot, completely overwhelmed. What was new? He had always been like that, hadn't he? He was always too weak, too sensitive. Little Harold, all alone and depressed like he always seemed to be, unable to handle anything by himself. Even before he was left alone, he knew he would end up here, crawling back to someone else for help.

The front door of the house opened, but it was impossible for Harry to hear the noise over his thoughts. As far as he knew, no one was coming out of that house to save him. No one was going to help because he was supposed to be strong enough to help himself. Only, he wasn't, and he needed this help no matter how much he tried to tell himself otherwise.

If there was anything Harry did hear, it was the pounding of bare feet against pavement as someone ran towards him, and Jj calling his name.

Something collided into Harry just as his knees were ready to give out. Strong arms kept him standing, and he was being held tightly into someone's broad chest. The feeling was old, but still achingly intimate and nostalgic. He knew this feeling. He knew it all too well.

A thousand terrible feelings seized Harry at once, but this time he wasn't alone. Jj's familiar scent settled over him, a small comfort in a messy sea of feelings that refused to remain at bay, flooding into his lungs and continuing to suffocate him.

If breathing was laborious before, it was nearly impossible now. He felt his chest heave as he tried to stay afloat, only to sink back under a wave of salty tears. The hands holding him only secured their grip, holding his head and rubbing gentle circles into his back.

"I'm here," Jj muttered into Harry's messy brown hair, "I won't leave you again, okay?"

Struggling, Harry clutched the other boys thin t-shirt in fistfuls, burying his face into his front. It was hard to process that he was even real, that Jj still existed and was standing directly in front of him. He could hear his voice and feel his touch; the way he combed his fingers through his matted hair, whispering sweet nothings to calm him in some way.

"Please." Harry finally gasped out, unsure of how much longer he could hold on to any part of himself. The current was becoming stronger, his hands ever mite slippery.

"Just talk to me. I-I want to be distracted. I don't want to think anymore, Jide, I d-don't."

Jj brushes away Harry's hair, exposing his watery eyes and red cheeks. Harry could see that he was holding back, swallowing thickly as he looked directly at him. It was so clear that he was trying to be the stronger one of the two, striving to be braver than he truly was.

"I'm not going to leave you behind, baby." He almost whispered, barely audible over the younger's still shuddering sobs. "Always find me, yeah? I'm not going anywhere."

Harry modded quickly, focusing on the older in front of him, drinking in the circles under his eyes and the way his now light brown hair jutted our in an unkempt bedhead. Just seeing his face- his tired, exhausted face- after so long, was enough to keep him going.

Jj took the pad of his thumb and wiped away the dried tears staining his soft cheeks.

"You're not weak, not to me or anyone else but yourself. It's okay, it is. Sometimes people need to rely on someone else."

Harry couldn't stop crying. He couldn't contain the tidal waves of emotions that continued to wrack his weakened and drained body. When Jj pushes their foreheads together, looking him straight in the eyes, the younger was forced to look at him, as well.

The older continued, his voice sweet to Harry's ears, despite it shaking with effort, "It's okay to need someone. You don't have to be strong. You have me. Always have, always will."

And maybe Jj pulled him up from the water, or perhaps it was only a low tide that saved Harry from drowning in himself. There was no telling if this would be the end, or if the waters would ever fully recede. He was able to cough up enough to survive. Who was to say he'd be so lucky next time?

The only thing he knew was that when high tide came, he wouldn't be alone to face the elements. Instead, he would have Jj to hold him back and tell him that the storm would be over soon. Even if they both knew it was a lie, they would have each other to hold onto when the wind picked up and the surf became harsh and unrelenting. Jj was Harry's life jacket, his rescuer.

Harry let himself be pulled away from the night, a hand slipping into his as the two boys stumbled towards the front door, and into the house.