sdmn one sh~i~ts

Sun /wroetojzl

words: 2230
warnings: based on a taylor swift song 🙅

'i'll stare directly at the sun
but never in the mirror'

The first thing Harry does when he walks into his apartment is check the calendar.

A little DIY project he and Tobi took on after Harry had mentioned in passing that he felt like time was going by too fast. Except no words leaving Harry's mouth were ever said in passing when it was Tobi he was saying them to. The next morning the elder showed up with a bright grin and printed out pictures, flyers and tickets from places they've been to and announced that they'd be making a calendar today.

(Harry didn't help much, too dazed by the huge amount of care and love he felt from such a simple action. Instead his eyes locked themselves onto his boyfriend as he watched him hum along to the playlist they'd curated together. He watched as he stuck all their shared memories onto the different months and giggle whenever he remembered something by seeing a picture. Harry didn't know how he deserved all of this but he continued watching his boyfriend and felt peace.)

Harry drops his backpack on the floor of the entrance hall and shrugs off his shoes. It was November. The wind was starting to get colder and the days shorter and none of that was helping with Harry's insistent feeling of running out of time.

He left the apartment in the dark, spent his days in an office with bad lighting and even worse coworkers and when he arrived back home the sun had set and yet another day had passed.

He sighs as he grabs one of the glitter pens Tobi left him in what's supposed to be a fruit bowl, but his boyfriend had insisted they weren't that sophisticated yet, so it instead was a throw-in-anything-you-want-bowl.

He tries his best to avoid the huge mirror that was hanging right next to the calendar. He didn't need to see the dark bags under his eyes to know that they're there, he didn't have to see his cheekbones jutting out more than usual to know he's lost weight. He avoided mirrors everywhere he went because he doesn't think he can handle seeing the pale and gray version of himself the world has turned him into.

Harry officially ends the day by crossing it off on the calendar. Which was supposed to help, it was supposed to remind him that he experienced a full day.

Like everyone else. At normal speed.

But today felt off and Harry just wanted to sleep through the week and forget about all his appointments and unread emails. He wanted to forget that he had things to do and expectations to meet and live up to. He just wanted to forget.

So, he makes it his mission to do just that.

He could deal with Tobi nagging about how he should take more care of himself.

What he couldn't deal with, was the heaviness weighing him down as he shuffled through the apartment all the way to the bedroom. He doesn't bother changing out of his clothes and instead lets himself fall face first into the warmth of his bed.

The heaviness doesn't magically disappear like Harry had hoped. Instead it pulls him deeper into the blankets, exhaustion taking over his skin and bones and before he knows it the anxiety leaves and is replaced with sleep.

- - -

"Harry." Tobi says softly in an attempt to lure the younger from his dreams.

Harry was a light sleeper, on the rare occasions he did sleep, so a soft whisper was all it took for him to slowly blink the sleep away as he stares up at his boyfriend who was seated on the edge of their bed, his hands brushing through the tangled strands of his hair. By now it was dark outside, which Harry notes with a soft sigh leaving his lips. "We missed the sunset." He mumbles while Tobi looks at him with fondness in his eyes and tender touches brushing over his cheek.