Lost

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⚠️Contains slight foul language.⚠️

Also just a heads up this is mainly comprised of angst... yeap. If not your cup of tea, feel free to skip it! If you read it, thank you for your time❤️

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Two years. That's just it huh?

All his life Hiccup Haddock had a crush on her, never once did he revert his feelings to any other Viking on Berk. It belonged to the one and only Astrid Hofferson. Brave, smart, gorgeous, who would pass off the opportunity to get with her?

And for her, Astrid was never interested in being in a relationship with anyone, until Hiccup swept her off her feet, literally. A new side of the young man was enlightened onto her, proving himself to be a selfless charming teen. Eventually, the pair agreed to take a step forward as a couple, much to the excitement of the gang, especially from Fishlegs. Every single day spent together made them feel like their love was unbeatable, that nothing could keep them apart.

Or so it seemed. Merely two years.

Just like that, it was over in a flash. A series of fights occurred, happening more and more frequently as time passed. Until it stopped... permanently. That one fateful night Astrid had gone to bed early, but suddenly, at midnight, Hiccup showed up at her doorstep with misery in his eyes, as well as guilt and pain. However, the most significant emotion Astrid sensed from his body language and voice was coldness.

"I'm sorry, I am at fault for this falling out, please don't ever blame yourself." His words continuously echoed in her mind as every word sliced a heart string, sliced a happy memory they'd shared. At a loss of words, all Astrid did was plea to him, the love of her life. She pleaded to fix things wherever had gone wrong, fully knowing that they were always stronger together. He denied any counter-attempt in keeping their powerful relationship intact. With a last small smile and teary eyes, Hiccup patted the side of her head and left, her house and also their love.

"You will forever hold a special place in my heart, even when someone else is by my side."

Bullshit, right? It's just a sugar-coating phrase to protect the "dumpee" from the abandonment emotions caused by the "dumper". Unfortunately Astrid never noticed it until a year after. Nevertheless, those words did not contribute in any way towards her recovery.

Anger. All those fond memories shared in their own time and with friends, wasted. Anything cheery or unforgettable had turned into a hot mess of pain in the girl's heart. What about the times he'd claimed that they were soulmates, or that the world was theirs to conquer together. "I love you"s without any meaning now stand where words that expressed purest forms of emotions once did. She had allowed that Hiccup to reach her in her most vulnerable states unseen by most, letting him on her most intimate secrets, stresses, emotions.

Guilt. Why did she pick fights over the smallest issues? Why couldn't she just bear with the slight inconveniences? Why did she ever allow herself to feel jealousy? All those flaws, those naïve behaviours had resulted with permanent damage in the seemingly unbreakable connection. The worst of it all was definitely the knowledge of successfully breaking off the love Hiccup had for her since they were kids. The love that lasted through the movement of time and changes. How could it have been possible? Astrid continued to blame herself as far as she remembered since the breakup. How could she have done this?

Longing. By far the most painful emotion Astrid endured and unfortunately never overcame. Before they had even started their relationship, Hiccup had always been her best friend through thick and thin. Not only did Hiccup walk away from their relationship that night he left, but also the friendship that had lasted many years prior. She missed him. As simple as that. His absence left a hole in her heart that was once filled with joy, love, comfort. Losing a significant other is tough, but losing a best friend simultaneously leaves an open wound.

However, throughout her process of grief, never once did she blame Hiccup for the pain he had caused her. Nothing was clearer than his actions being the source of pain, yet Astrid gradually learnt to accept his decision.

As time moved on, the more Astrid understood Hiccup's true intentions. He knew what was the most mature decision at that moment, and he seized it for the benefit of them both in the long run. The young lady started to build her life back together again: spending time with friends and family, working on her own mental health, warrior training and flying hours on end with Stormfly.

Even though Hiccup was the chief in training and had duties around Berk set by Stoick, Astrid always successfully avoided him. Initially, it was a defence mechanism for reducing the pain whenever she laid her eyes on him. Her chest ached every moment he came to her mind, elevating her stress. In more recent times, the act of avoiding him had become a habit of hers. Astrid didn't want or need his presence to alter her mood of the day. Also, she wanted to avoid conversation as much as possible, opening up to him is definitely not on the table.

Her constant behaviour, however, does not guarantee complete success. Almost two years after the incident at her doorstep, Astrid ended up bumping into Hiccup carelessly without observing her surroundings. And Hiccup, being the friendly although slightly awkward man he always was, started a conversation with her. Astrid remained suspicious throughout the interaction, but with Hiccup's gentle tone and humour, she ended up lowering her guard down.

It was too late by the time the conversation ended. The darn heart throb had done it again, and now the warrior had allowed herself to fall for the boy. Back to square one. No, it wasn't the right thing to do, yet it happened. Astrid Hofferson, after nearly two years of self care and motivation, back in love with the same man who broke her heart.

Days passed as she wallowed in her fury and sadness, Stormfly constantly by her side taking care of her conflicted rider. It's useless to pine over a guy, especially when there were so many more responsibilities and opportunities awaiting her. At that moment, they didn't matter as much, for she wouldn't be able to even function for them in her state.

Then suddenly, one late evening on a rainy day, a knock on her door echoed through the house. Astrid answered it with her dragon seated in the living room in a defensive stance. The last person she'd expected in the entire archipelago stood before her. His mop of auburn hair was soaked by the rain, but it was clear that the moisture on his face was from tears.

"Astrid..."

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