2 heartbroken teens

35

It's the second time that Summer comes to the abandoned mall, and we even sit on the stairs like last time, so now it's kinda our safe place for both of us to talk. 

It's still daylight, but it won't last much longer until the sun goes down. And during this time of the year we might even see the sunset.

I sigh couple of times, trying to come up with something to start. Summer, meanwhile, just waits patiently but worried. We didn't exchanged a word during the walk to here, so for the first time it was a bit awkward the company.

"So... that guy from the store..., he's..." I finally talk, keeping my eyesight on the ground. "My brother." It feels so weird to say the word out loud.

Summer lets out a soft "Oh." I guess she's now connecting why we knew each other and the fact that I already told her that I have a brother that I hate. 

"So that was... Kaleb?"

"Yeah." I sigh again.

"I'm worried." I look at her for a brief second. "I'm worried about him causing any type of problem. I don't care that because of him I got fired, but I don't want more problems in my life, fuck." 

Although I'm every time omitting the reason why Kaleb and I don't get along, I'm opening up to Summer more than I would have imagined. And now I'm afraid that I'm oversharing. She's not a stranger, but what if it turns into what happened with Riley. What if in the future we cut out our relationship. That's why I'm being cautious about what to say and what not.

"I wish I could help in something." She murmurs. I shake my head.

"You don't have to."

"I'm sorry that you lost the job. It seemed cool." 

"Well, the manager didn't like me, tho." I let out a soft laugh. "Don't worry about that."

"Stop doing that." She says then, more serious.

"What." 

"Acting like you have everything handled. I know you for a month now, but that's been enough to now know that you feel overwhelmed." She says.

"Are you trying to fix me?" Please, not that bullshit. 

"I'm just worried, you know, because you matter to me. Your shit is my shit, and vice versa." 

"That doesn't work like that. We're friends, alright, but not even my boy friends stuck their noses  in my stuff."

"Well, then your friends aren't real friends." She says in a lower voice, thinking I couldn't hear her, but I did.

See, sharing my life to others doesn't help me, but makes it even worse.

"This is not fair, Summer." She looks at me, confused. "So, you can worry about me and I have to tell you everything about me but then you don't say anything about you."

"That's not true-"

"Today, in my room, when I told you about Kaleb and then I asked you about how were you doing, you didn't want to tell me. You're also guilty for keeping your stuff to yourself."

Summer quiets and looks away.

"It's complicated." She says some seconds after. 

"The fuck, Summer. If that's gonna be your attitude, then what's the point in sharing my problems with you."

Silence.

"I'm making an effort in trusting you, but you can't trust me?" I continue.

"Fine. I'm sorry." I notice her eyes watering. She's trying hard not to cry.

Maybe I've been too harsh with her. I can't see her like that, so I get closer and hug her, burying her head in my chest.

"Please don't cry." I murmur.

"I don't want either." She sniffs. "But you're right, I've been selfish today."

It kills me when Summer and I argue. She's humble and such a great friend and neither of us deserve to get angry with the other. She's my escape to my problems and after what we've been through, I would tell I'm hers, too.

"I gotta go." Summer speaks through my hoodie, then slowly separates from me. 

"Okay."

It's weird. Are we good now? She doesn't even let me time to ask her, as in less than a minute just disappears. A last goodbye and that's all for today. 

Maybe I just tear people apart, but I don't want especially to see Summer go. And I don't know what I should do.