Nosebleeds and Daggers (DM)

Dear Odette

When a child is punished for their honesty, they begin to lie.

-Unknown author

═══════════════════

Dear Odette,

I know you won't receive this, but I felt the only way to express the way I feel is by putting pen to paper— writing is a lost art, after all.

Despite what you've done, the crimes and heinous schemes you've committed, I can't help but feel that same empty feeling in endured after I was sure I had murdered you. But now that I'm sure you are truly dead, I feel hollow.

Yes you were completely psychotic and your brain was poisoned by murderous tendencies, but you were still my sister... no, you were more than that, you were my twin— my second half.

A part of me will always be missing now, you were my— what I assumed to be— best friend, the one person I could confide in at any time, the person I'd stay up all night talking to with a flashlight beneath our duvets.

I don't know why I'm writing this, it seems crazy, doesn't it?

Why am I asking? You can't reply, you're dead, after all. Because of me. Maybe if I had just given you another chance, you'd have realised what you were doing was wrong and could change, could join me... live our lives together in peace.

Why am I thinking about the possibilities, they're never going to happen.

I guess I just wish we could have one last conversation, one last time confiding in one another.

I miss talking to you about the little, stupid things; like clothes, what some girl said about another one, boys. Ha, I wish I could've told you about BLANK, I know you probably wouldn't like him initially, but I'm sure if you got to know him you'd see why I am rather fond of him.

You'd probably say what you'd always say when I'd tell you about who I was crushing on, "Seriously, Odile, you can do much better. Odile had the ability to seduce the prince in Swan Lake with her beauty, so you can seduce someone better than Marcus Flint"

He was quite an embarrassing crush to have, I will give you that one. But BLANK is different, well, at least now he is.

You'd probably say, "Odelia, someone who looks like that will forever be more in love with a mirror than a living being", and though you would've been right initially, he has changed a great deal.

Oh my merlin, I can't believe I'm actually talking about boys to you once again, I'm sorry.

I have a lot to apologise for, starting with I'm sorry I couldn't save you, I was too naive to realise how you were feeling, I wish I had made it clearer that you could've approached me at anytime with how you felt... I would've understood, I do now. Despite now understanding, I failed to save you. I could've helped you, shown you that you would be safe with me, that I could provide the low you felt you lacked from our parents.

I'm sorry for being such a terrible sister, so terrible that your neglect turned to rage, and that rage turned to violence.

I'm sorry for how terribly our parents handled your situation, sending you away done more harm that good— they should've changed their ways, not yours.

I wish we could try again, well; for a third time. We got a second chance, and I fucked it up, I fucking ruined any chance of reconciliation! I fucked it for us both!

I'm so sorry Odette, I'm so fucking sorry.

A part of me hopes that you're not dead, that you're manipulating my mind once again, that you'll come back; and I'll have another chance.

But luck was never really on people like us' sides, was it?

We're cursed with pain and torturing, living life's in constant fear, having to walk with an eye always looking over our shoulders. It's exhausting, exasperating.

If you are alive, I promise to try harder, to try give you the redemption you deserve.

You should not have to suffer because of our parents, they don't deserve to turn someone so beautiful and pure into a monster and be labelled the victims.

You will never be alone, if you are to return. I'd use my last breath and all my effort to grant you the life you deserve, the life we both deserve.

But I know the chances are never in our favour, and that will never happen.

You're never coming back, and I have to live with that.

I'm still undecided whether or not to trust dad, would you? Well actually, knowing your relationship with hin, you wouldn't.

But I don't know, part of me wants to believe him, even a part of me does, but another part fears it's all a façade. But who knows? Well, maybe you.

Like I've always said, time will only tell. Who knows what the future will bring, I'm both terrified and excited to find out.

I'm sorry for everything, Odette. I miss you, and I'll love you forever.

If only things had gone differently.

I hope you finally find peace wherever you are now.

Love,
Odelia
═══════════════════