This is becoming more than just my SA story but at this point this is the only place I can actually talk about what im thinking and not worring about people hating me. (Another day of me not making any sense but yall reading anyway <3)
Anyway, I am having a grand time over thinking about what place I hold in my friends life. I truly believe that I'm the friend that leaves the group after high school. Not because anything happened, I just am an at school friend. I know that just cause I'm like already so left out of the group. Its mostly my fault like my mental health has been shit and I haven't been interacting with them like I did a few months ago. But it still feel terrible, they haven't noticed, they haven't asked if something is up. I would tell them everything is fine but I still want to be checked up on.
This brings on the thought that maybe I'm not important to them anymore. At least not as much. I used to be extremely important to my best friend but with her ex out of the way she can actually hang out with people. I'm happy for her like It's good it's not just me being her friend, still upsetting because soon enough I won't be her best friend. I already can tell the others are taking that spot and it sucks.
I don't even want to try to get back in their lives like how I was, it's probably good that I'm not, with how my mental health is I can be a shitty person. I want to get that under control and better before I consider getting closer with them again.
My major worry is that it'll happen when it's to late. That we will be in college or something and that's when I'm ready ya know.
Its dumb because why should it matter. It shouldn't people come and go, and in some cases I will never make them stay. I still like to try though. It never works.
I'm shitty, I say rude things, I never know when to shut up, and I will go weeks without texting or hanging out (besides school). I understand why they won't want to be my friends after high school. If we do stop being friends I hope they know it wasn't because I don't care. I do alot, maybe I don't say it verbally, but I try to show it in my actions. I love my friends and I don't want to not be friends but I do know that's it's probably gonna happen and it's for the best to just let it.
YOU ARE READING
My sexual assault story
Non-FictionThis started out as my story about my sa and like recovering but its slowly becoming me just talking about other things that have happened that I can't really talk to with anyone It's not happy stuff so if you still need something sad it's still th...
