My sexual assault story

A year also some extras

  Its been one year since everything really got bad. What i mean is even though everything came back back in September nothing really got bad until February 10th last year. Its kinda crazy to think that its already been a year it doesn't even feel like its been that long. I remember the first nightmare and also because i can just go and read it back. Its crazy because that first one is the one i always remember everytime. Its also, as dumb as it sounds, is the reason i still haven't said much to my parents about my nightmares and stuff. Even though its a dream it still scares me that the same event can happen.
  Anyway on to the second thing i wanted to talk about. I was thinking about lots of stuff. Which is bad. And i realized i mostly like to cover up because showing skin makes me feel like people can see what Kyle did to me. It's crazy and I might be the only person who feels like this. But i realized today will in Walgreen's i was wearing shorts and i just hated it because i felt like people were staring and just knew what happened. I hate feeling like that because i automatically feel disgusting and that i shouldn't live anymore and deserve all the happiness and good things i have. I know i shouldn't feel that or let it affect me as much as it does but i can't help it. Its always such a strong feeling that it just overwhelms me. I already in general feel disgusted with myself but then adding that feeling of everyone knowing just by seeing my skin becomes to much.