My sexual assault story

Life update!!!!!

  Its another life update. Honestly not to much has happened but i do have a few things i need to talk about. Or one. I think its just one thing unless after i have something else i want to talk about.
   Anyway last week after school on Friday i was asked out by a friend. I'm person too. Untimely in the end i said no and he was ok with it and we still are friends. He didn't over react or anything. But i was talking to my cousin, even though i have no feelings and he said it was ok, Because i felt bad about saying no. While talking to her i told her i trusted this friend alot. Enough to tell him i was sexually assaulted for 4 years. I haven't im just sacred that I'm gonna lose him. I have this stupid fear of being alone one day. It's my biggest fear to. She told me that after if he doesn't wanna be my friend after i tell him he doesn't matter. I still haven't told him. I am less scared its more of when to tell him and how i say it. I know that by telling you this i am taking back what i said about telling no one. I only said that because pretty much every one except for a few people don't care and treat as something i can just easily forget about like a toy i had when one was a baby. Its not that easy and its hard to go through that. To tell the people you trust the most and for them not to care and tell you to just get over it. I an sorry about saying that and i know not everyone's situation is going to be like mine. If you truly believe that in the end itd be  better to tell at least one person than do it.
   Yesterday i went with my mom to her work. She works in the mall as a hair stylist. While there me and her went to one of the jewelry store to check my Nana's ring. A guy was behind us and he smelt like cigarettes. I know what it smells like because all three of my perants smoke or smoked. It kinda triggered me or something. I was kinda freaked out i got a little bit of a daymare. If you don't remember a daymare is like a bad thought. Sometimes it can come out of no where or sometimes its triggered by something. In my case it was the cigarette smell. Kyle (the cousin that assaulted and almost raped me) (just incase you didn't remember) would smoke and stuff so that smell reminded me of him. It was only a few minutes that we say this guy so it wasn't to bad. Like it can be in school.
    So that's all for now. Please don't be upset about the picture its from one of my friends.